Monday, August 30, 2004

Buggar Tom Brokaw

Tom Brokaw called the Republican National Convention "a con-game where the dealer always wins".
Apparently, they have given up even TRYING to look unbiased intheir desperation to oust G.W. Bush.

Fuck Tom Brokaw.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

2 hours, and $7.75 later.

I can never get back those 2 hours, or that money. I was dragged to see "Aliens vs. Predators" Saturday night, and I can honestly say without a doubt that it was ther secnod worst movie I have ever seen.

S. from over at Refractinal Darkness, and Jay, our non-blogging buddy are now on my list of people who don't get to pick movies I go see. The sadness of this movie cannot be described any better than S.'s words in the car afterwards,
"Dude, the one-liners were more entertaining than the movie."
I racked my brain for any redeeming value this movie might have had, and came up with nothing. It was worse than a B movie, and it had no nudity....that's right, not ONE titty to make up for the rest of its crappiness.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Art thoughts.

Why do I like half finished art work?

Or, rather;

Why do I like half finishing art work?

I am sitting here in the computer/painting/writing/music room, staring at an incomplete painting, and rather enjoying the openess of it. I mean, yeah, it really could use some detailing in the foliage, or some more water effects. But truly, if I wasn't painting it for someone else, I would leave it as is.

It's the same way with songs I write. I usually get about a verse, or less done lyrically, and choose to leave it unfinished.

I have about 350 pages of a novel written too...

I guess to me, when I cement something into completeness, it is dead. I can no longer play with it, or wonder what it may become. It just becomes what it is. However, in the raw, unfinished state, my artworks seem limitless, and alive. I can play with it endlessly, never having to make it conform to anything.
My joy comes from the creative proccess, not from the finished product to show off. In fact, most of my music, and drawings I just tuck away for myself somewhere.

Does this make any sense to anyone out there, or am I just REALLY crazy?

Liar, lunatic, or war criminal?

I am not sure who wrote this article, or I would give credit. It had to be posted though.

C.S. Lewis is famous for many of his literary works, but among fellow Christians, he's probably most noted for his "Liar, Lunatic or Lord" argument from his book, Mere Christianity. The argument is based on what Jesus actually said about himself in the Gospels and how he left no room for anyone to consider him merely a "great teacher" or "good man." If what he said about himself was true, he was God in the flesh. If what he said was not true, and he knew it wasn't true, Jesus was a liar of the worst kind. If what he said wasn't true, yet he still believed it was, he was insane and worthy of pity at best. This has been a powerful argument over the years, and I know this from personal experience. My own brother had a spiritual reawakening upon hearing this reasoning and has gone on to serve the Lord in many wonderful ways.Now relax, this isn't going to be a Churchy McPrayalot article. I bring up Lewis' argument because what a man says about himself is the best place to start when deciding if that man is right for a job. Hence job interviews. If what the man says about himself leaves you with a pair or more of very stark choices, the decision is pretty easy. Let's take a look at what John Kerry said about himself in 1971 on Meet the Press, shall we?

There are all kinds of atrocities, and I would have to say that, yes, yes, I committed the same kind of atrocities as thousands of other soldiers have committed in that I took part in shootings in free fire zones. I conducted harassment and interdiction fire. I used 50 caliber machine guns, which we were granted and ordered to use, which were our only weapon against people. I took part in search and destroy missions, in the burning of villages*. All of this is contrary to the laws of warfare, all of this is contrary to the Geneva Conventions and all of this is ordered as a matter of written established policy by the government of the United States from the top down. And I believe that the men who designed these, the men who designed the free fire zone, the men who ordered us, the men who signed off the air raid strike areas, I think these men, by the letter of the law, the same letter of the law that tried Lieutenant Calley, are war criminals.

Now let's apply the "Liar, Lunatic or Lord" argument to this. If what Kerry is saying is not true, and he knows so, he is simply a liar and should never be considered for any elective office. If he doesn't know he's lying, he needs to be in a place where he can get help instead of running a campaign where hangers on reinforce his need to believe his own lies. If what Kerry says is true, he is a war criminal and should be tried by an international court after he receives punishment for violating *Article 926.126 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. His "higher ups" should be separately investigated, but since they no doubt deny his accusations, we need to assume them innocent until proven guilty. Kerry, however, has confessed and must be brought to justice. If he confessed just to get his "higher ups" in trouble with stories not backed up by after action reports, that's hardly admirable either.When you make bold claims about yourself, you should keep the goal in mind: make yourself look good. Make sense? There really is no room, based on Kerry’s own words, for him to be a good man or a brave war hero who was just following orders. He is a liar, a lunatic or a war criminal. Based on his own words, John Kerry deserves to at least be out of the public eye for everyone's sake and maybe even in prison for war crimes.

And for all those who still complain about the Abu Graihb prison scandal, deal with Kerry's war crimes first, then we'll talk.

Pure fucking genius.

Monday, August 23, 2004

What a weekend.

The Galesberg Heritage Days event is over, and man am I glad I went. We got to the event friday evening, set up camp, and tried to make fire.

Take note: We are accomplished fire-starters, and it took us nearly two hours to get a decent fire going. Why?

I'm glad you asked, you see, the firewood provided for us at this event came from a railroad tie manufacturing plant. It was the unused ends of the ties, about one and a half feet square. Did I mention it was OAK? It took the combined efforts of everyone in camp, a pair of old socks, three clumps of kerosene soaked paper towels, and some envelopes soaked in gun oil to get the damn thing sputtering.

While we never really got nice orange flickering flames, we did get a coal-bed that could have been used to smelt iron. The flames shooting through the unused wood were blue/orange, and hissed like jet exhaust.

Other than the firey excitement, we had a ton of fun. I met some really cool 'vouers', and managed (with the help of Graumagus over at tip a canoe during the first 15 feet of a canoe race. We paid a visit to the "River Scum" camp, on saturday night, and sang songs, and shot the shit.
Sunday was a good lazy day too. It was the day of the (now infamous) sinking of the Scots, some wandering around shopping stalls we didn't see the day before, and a day that I stupidly forgot to wear 'ye olde sunscreen' so that as I sit here typing this, I can stare down at my poor burned feet, with their purplish hue.

All in all a very fun weekend. I hope we go back next year.

Friday, August 20, 2004

See ya Sunday Night!

Black powder, the burning of meat over fire, smoking a pipe, wearing breeches, and carrying a firearm out in the open.

It's must be Rendevouz time!

The time has come for my second living history event. I am very excited, and hoping that the weather is dry as predicted.

I will post all about my experience sunday night, or monday morning.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

A startling examination.

This is stolen from a message board on AOL, quite interesting, and it checks out.

Did you ever notice that there are no Germans going around the world saying, or making movies about, how awful Germany is or has been? Given that Germany unleashed two world wars and invented industrialized genocide, why has there been no German Michael Moore?
Are there any Japanese making films about the absence of Japanese soul-searching or expressions of sorrow over their country's enslavement, torture and murder of Asians in World War II? Has anyone ever encountered any Japanese self-hate?
Any Belgians telling the world how bad their country is?
French? France surely has reason to produce people ashamed of their country.The answer, of course, is no. In fact, among all the world's peoples, only two produce large numbers of individuals who have greater sympathy for those who hate their country or national/ethnic group than for those who love it -- Americans and Jews.
Many on the American Left loathe America (they love the Constitution and their vision of what America could be) and have contempt for the average American. That is why most of the Left has such admiration for Michael Moore, who has said, among so much more, the following:

Americans "are possibly the dumbest people on the planet . . . in thrall to conniving, thieving, smug p----s" (London Daily Mirror).
"Should such an ignorant people lead the world?" (open letter to the German People in Die Zeit).
Elsewhere, he speaks of America as bringing immeasurable misery and sadness to the world and as essentially deserving attacks on it.

There are no comparable self-haters in any other country except Israel, whose leftists have the same contempt for their country, nor among any other group except the Jews, whose Left also generally loathe the Jewish state (and America).
Israeli professors in the West are often the leaders in anti-Israel demonstrations and movements. Jews such as Professors Norman Finkelstein and Noam Chomsky devote much of their lives to trying to harm the one Jewish country in the world (and America) and express deep hatred of Jewish institutions.

Here is Finkelstein:
Jewish organizations "steal, and I do use the word with intent, 95 percent of the monies earmarked for victims of Nazi persecution" (Counterpunch, Dec. 13, 2001). Jews "are not Zionist by conviction, they are Zionist because it is useful for their political and more recently financial self-interest" (same).
In a lecture delivered in Beirut, Finkelstein likened Israeli actions to "Nazi practices" during World War II, albeit with some added "novelties to the Nazi experiments" (Commentary, June 2002).
And Noam Chomsky wrote the foreword to a book denying the Holocaust. This is the same as a black professor writing the foreword to a book by a Ku Klux Klansman.
This self-loathing on the part of Americans and Jews is all the more remarkable when you consider that leftists of every other group strongly affirm their national, cultural and ethnic identities. For example, while American and Jewish leftists ceaselessly attack America and Israel, black and Hispanic leftists ceaselessly defend blacks and Hispanics.How, then, to explain this anomaly of American and Jewish self-loathing?
I offer four explanations in no order of importance.

First, those Jews and Americans who loathe Israel and America are virtually always on the Left, and the Left around the world hates America and Israel. You can't be a leftist and strongly defend America or Israel. The Left will shun you. And since most of these individuals' primary identity comes from being a leftist, being ostracized from fellow leftists is hell on earth.

Second, many leftists are psychologically adolescents. And one feature of adolescent psychology is anger at a parent who claims very high ideals and turns out to be flawed. Many on the Left are angry at America and Israel for being imperfect and therefore disappointing them.

Third, the words "American" and "Jewish" both represent distinctive value systems, not only national and ethnic identities. And these value systems clash with leftist values. Both American and Jewish identities are rooted in religion and divine chosenness. And the further left one goes, the greater the hostility to religion -- especially to Judaism and Christianity (not to Islam, which the Left often defends, because many Muslims hate Judaism and Christianity as much as the Left does) -- not to mention to any notion of national or religious exceptionalism. When you add to this that America also represents capitalism and holds liberty higher than equality, you can further understand why America elicits so much hatred from its own leftists.

Fourth, since America and Israel are the two most hated countries in the world, and the Jews are the most hated ethnic/religious group, many Americans and Jews would rather identify with the haters than with the hated. That is why, for example, so many American leftists base a large part of their case against George W. Bush on his having increased anti-American sentiments around the world. This makes leftists livid -- again, like adolescents, they yearn to be part of the in-crowd (meaning America- and Israel-haters) and fear being disliked.

There may be other explanations. But what is certain is that American self-hatred and Jewish self-hatred are unique phenomena that play a particularly destructive role in our world.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

A simple test to see if you might be a democrat, with some harsh reality thrown in.

This is simple really, with a simple scoring system at the end. I truly do not understand people who look at what democrats represent and think,
"Now that there is a damn fine idea."

You're a Demo if you think the problem is that we're not taxed enough and the rich are not taxed at all. You're a Republican if you think government is taxing everyone too much, particularly the middle class, and that the size of government should be shrinking, not expanding. The Demos say Republicans want lower taxes only for the rich. Republicans reply that, considering the way the Demos like to tax everything and everybody, they apparently think anyone with a job is rich. Democrats have been demagoguing the myth that the rich don't pay their fair share of taxes. Yet what they don't realize is that, according to figures from the IRS publicized by Rush Limbaugh, the top 50 percent of income earners pay 96 percent of income taxes.
The Democrats have not yet called for taxes on Internet commerce, and not because they don't want to or haven't yet figured out how to. It's simply because it's currently politically unpopular. The Internet community, many members of which are both tech savvy and politically active, would have the politicos' head on a platter in a nanosecond.
Republicans want no taxes on Internet commerce and lower taxes in general. They support a flat tax that is both simple and fair.


You're a Demo if you want both people and businesses micromanaged and regulated by millions of government bureaucrats sitting in a maze of cubicles in offices far from industry.
You're a Republican if you want liberty from intrusive government. Demos would regulate their mothers if they could. They don't trust companies or people who do their own thing -- they're worried about an Enron-type disaster. They want control.
Republicans want minimum regulation. More regulation means more bureaucracy, more taxes, more paper, more energy consumption and a less hospitable business environment with fewer jobs. Republicans see the tremendous success of the Internet as a perfect example of Adam Smith's "invisible hand" that steadies the economy and creates perfect diversity. With literally no government regulation, the Internet has been the single biggest engine for burgeoning business and for new flourishing social and political communities.


You're a Demo if think being a good environmentalist means it's OK for California alone to be grinding out some 10,000 new laws each year.
You're a Republican and an environmentalist if you think the best way to save the trees and the planet is by having just a part-time state legislature, like Texas', and creating fewer laws each year and repealing others. Demos want more laws, which requires tons more paper to publish the laws, more bureaucracy to administer them and more litigation to interpret them, not to mention more enforcement activity, all of which consumes more energy. Republicans want simplicity -- less bureaucracy and less energy consumed. The paper saved from a part-time California state Legislature would be the equivalent of saving enough trees to create 50 new Golden Gate Parks each year while letting the plants and wildlife flourish throughout the state.


The Gallup Poll just released a survey that reported, "Forty-five percent of Americans believe the news media in this country are too liberal, while only 14 percent say the news media are too conservative." You're a Demo if you're one of the 14 percent who think the mass media is too conservative. You're a Republican if you think the media is too liberal -- or at least not too conservative, much as the rest of Americans do, according to the poll.

Trade Policy

You're a Demo if you think American companies are exploiting Third World nations by employing low-wage workers and you let everyone know that with a bumper sticker plastered on your foreign-made vehicle, the parts of which were all made in Third World countries.
You're a Republican if you want the best goods at the lowest price.

Fighting Tyranny

You're a Demo if you think people in Third World nations are often being brutally tortured and are being destroyed by genocide, but you don't actually want to put down your cappuccino long enough to actually do something about it. You think the United Nations, which is made up largely of nations with corrupt dictators, should do this dirty job. And you continue to believe this even though the United Nations has never changed any regimes in its entire 54-year history.
You're a Republican if you believe genocide represents a state of emergency and a crime against humanity and you have both the courage and the conviction to actually do something about it -- even if that means military action.

Affirmative Action

You're a Demo if you think affirmative action is good for everybody in society, but you don't think it should actually apply to your own job prospects or to your own child's admission to UC.
You're a Republican if you think perfect equality means merit and hard work should get you a job and a seat in a good university and race should not be a factor.

You're a Demo if you think Christopher Columbus was a white interloper and George Washington should be best known as a slave trader.
You're a Republican if you think the U.S. Constitution and American history, taught the traditional way, should be reintroduced to the public-school curriculum in California.

Sexual Abuse
You're a Demo if you think Clinton was just having fun with women and it was time to move on rather than investigate his improprieties but Arnold was a real groper.
You're a Republican if you think there's a difference between the president of the United States having sex with an political intern in the White House while his wife is sleeping in the next room and a big Hollywood star flirting on the set.

Purpose of Government
You're a Demo if you think the purpose of government is to find a solution to everyone's problems and to protect you from yourself. Democrats don't want you to smoke in public, pray in public, own firearms, open a door for a woman, tell politically incorrect jokes, spank your children or judge anybody or anything.
You're a Republican if you believe the purpose of government is to do only that which private individuals cannot do for themselves: fund schools, roads, police, the military, the courts.
Coincidentally, this is precisely what the Founders had proposed in the Constitution.

The Problem with the World Is Us (U.S.)
You're a Demo if you think America is the biggest threat to world peace and we are the world's worst tyrant (the same view Osama bin Laden has).
You're a Republican and an optimist if you think we are beacon of liberty and you can connect the dots and understand why millions of immigrants, risking much, come to our shores each year.


You're a Demo if you think we should have millions of illegal aliens flooding America, getting driver's licenses and generally enjoying our free medical care and schools, but you also don't know why our schools, hospitals and highways are now overburdened both physically and fiscally.
You're a Republican if you believe we are a nation of laws and we should enforce our immigration legislation, that we should allow millions in legally but shouldn't offer governmental benefits to those who came here illegally.

Crime and Punishment

You're a Demo if you think people commit vicious crimes because they're poor and lack self-esteem. Your simple solution is to close the prisons and have the state spend billions on social programs and self-esteem training. In this way, Demos believe crime will be eradicated.
You're a Republican if you believe vicious killers, kidnappers, pedophiles and rapists should be either executed or be sentenced to life imprisonment without the possibility of parole after just one strike and not three.

Corporations and Unions
You're a Demo if you think big corporations are bad and greedy, but big unions and their bosses are good and have only the welfare of their workers in mind. You're a Republican if you believe the foundation of our economic strength is the balance of the free-market system with a healthy respect for labor and fair collective bargaining.

If you believe all sorts of nontraditional families are equally valid in our society and equally valuable to our children, you're a Demo.
If you believe the soaring epidemic of single-parent families is having a debilitating effect on the nation and represents a real national crisis, you're a Republican.
Studies show that on the whole, children of single-parent households, when they become adults, earn less, commit more crimes, become drug addicts more readily and are more likely to be welfare dependent than children from nuclear families. And, notwithstanding the value of truly committed gay households, if you believe the foundation of our society is the loving, stable, healthy family -- with two parents as the goal -- you're a true Republican.

Test Scoring
If you aligned yourself with the Democrats on 8-10 issues, you're a Demo. Don't worry, though -- there's still hope. You can perhaps invite Arnold over to your home for coffee and a consultation. He can slap you into shape both physically and politically by making you give him 10 pushups to lose your flabby tummy and flaccid political perspective.
If you scored Demo on more than 10 items, you should seek counseling immediately and lay off the drugs. If you haven't been taking drugs, start doing so regularly -- anything will help.
However, if you aligned yourself with the Republicans on 8-10 topics, congratulations. If you thought you were a Democrat, you should reregister immediately.
If you scored Republican on more than 10 subjects, you can go directly to a top executive job in Arnold's new administration. You've now proved you're a true-blooded American who not only understands that there is a right and a wrong, but has the brains to know the difference between the two.

I pretty much knew where I would score. I am the albatross off the right-wing tip.
I don't know why I chose "Albatross" other than the fact that I wanted to use it in a sentence today.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Ideally, I would be what???

After doing some research, mainly consisting of observing women, asking subtle questions, and consulting Corkscrew the wondercat, I have finally figured out what women REALLY want in a man.

He must be strong yet gentle, powerful yet sensitive. He must have a great career yet help clean the house and raise the children. He must always be in control of his emotions yet cry at the drop of a hat. He must also be a sex expert who's only been with one woman becuase otherwise he's a pig.

No wonder men are so fucked up. The ideal man is Arnold Schwarzenneggar, Michael Keaton, and Alan Alda, all wrapped into one package. It seems to me that this is a recipe for self loathing and apathy.

It's no wonder Graumagus' retrosexual code ( has taken off like it has. Men (and some women) are tired of trying to be everything to everybody.

Deep thoughts by Littlejoe.

Convincing a small child you aren't going to cook them and eat them is hard. Especially when you have them all seasoned and ready. But really, I mean who ever heard of "kid tar-tar" anyway?

I went to Great America, and all I got was blisters....

...and alot of fun memories.

Let me tell you one thing. Six Flags is a great amusement park. It's not too big, you can find anything rather easily, and the lines (on a cool cloudy thursday) were quite short.

I had planned on doing a run-down of all the coasters they have, but something got in my way. Two things actually.

My huge shoulders, and my height.

I couldn't ride most of the new rides, and a few of the older ones because the restraints have a redundant safety device that is similar to a five inch seat-belt. This seat belt is attached to a sensor that doesn't let the ride go if it is unbuckled. While the primary devices latched securely, the secondary sensor devices didn't come close to latching. My buddy Contagion tried to push down on one, telling me to "suck in" when in fact the bar never came close to any part of me that could be called fat. Every one of these things got caught on my shoulders or upper chest.

What really irked was seeing people who were hugely fat, but short riding these rides, and having a good old time. I wanted so badly to be short yesterday. I wished for smaller shoulders. I am glad that this didn't set the tone for the day, but not being able to ride the newest coolest coasters sucked. One piece of ironic fate was, that the very newest ride "Superman the rollercoaster" was broke down for the day. It had a test seat out in front. And of course I fit in it perfectly. Fuckers.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

The new orgy....for the sexually repressed, or incapable.

NEW YORK (Reuters) -- It's not about sex and all about the touchy-feely
experience of snuggling up to perfect strangers wearing pajamas.
The grab
fests are called cuddle parties, and since they started in New York in
hundreds of people have paid $30 each to touch and embrace others
in intimate
Everyone needs to be cuddled, especially in
lonely New York, say
creators Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski, who say
it's a good way to meet new
and interesting people.
But the rules are
clear. The PJs stay on the whole
In case things get too steamy, a
small chime is kept on hand. Before
the cuddling begins, the chime is struck
several times so everyone gets the
"We've never used it," said
Mihalko, who said sexual arousal does
The idea for cuddle parties
loosely came about after Mihalko, a
14-year masseur, began giving massages
to other masseurs who never got the
chance to receive them.
Signs that
people need to be touched were brought
home one day when Mihalko said he
noticed a woman bawling from the emotional
release that a massage provided
her at an outdoor stand in midtown
"It started out as a joke,"
Baczynski said. "Now we talk about
cuddling all the time. It's just been
Curiosity is a big driver for
people who attend cuddle parties,
and it is a better way to meet people than
going to a bar, getting drunk and
spending the night with someone just because
of the need for some affection,
she said.
A cuddle party is really about
communication and not therapy,
say the organizers.
Before any touching
begins, participants gather in a
circle to hear the rules and voice any
questions or concerns. The first rule
is that the event is not clothing
optional, pajamas must stay on and sex is
not permitted.
Participants team up
into pairs, and to ensure the
boundaries of what is permissible are clear, they
practice saying "no" to
the question, "May I kiss you?"
An introduction to
cuddling ensues, first
by hugging three people. People then get in a circle on
their hands and
knees, rub shoulders and moo like cows. After a bit of swaying,
falls to their side, which puts them into an easy cuddling
Cuddle parties are intended for people who are emotionally
People in therapy or who are seeing a mental health professional are
asked to
consult their doctor before signing up for a party and to tell
organizers of
their situation.
One group on an overcast Sunday drew a mix
of mostly single
people in their 30s and a smattering of older people.
repeat customer who
called herself a born-again Christian said it was good
to cuddle up to another
person, albeit a perfect stranger, after a hectic
"I felt good. I had a
particularly stressful week," said the woman,
who did not wish to be
Friends had warned her that the parties
would be nothing more than
thinly disguised preludes to sex, but she
dismissed those worries as alarmist
and unfounded, saying, "It's not about
Like others, the chance to meet
someone was a consideration in
attending a cuddle party.
"People in a way are
looking for a connection,"
Fernando said. "It's weird, but not unusual."
man named Dwayne H., who
described himself as introverted, said he thought the
parties would help him
relax before strangers and help him express his
"I have a
problem showing emotion," he said.

If this doesn't just beat all. "Everyone needs to be cuddled", my ass. "We've never used it" (the anti-sex chime), probably because nobody there has balls. I mean, this is basically lesbian sex without all the licking.

This my friends, is the worst idea ever. It's like asking,

"Hey, could you give me blue balls please?"

I wonder if they're liberals. Corkscrew says yes, yes they are. Filthy, treehugging, hippy-liberals. The worst kind.

How much of a fucking loser do you have to be to go to this event? Does it not occur to these people that they are paying for...what? not sex...not any real experience....just some grope fest? It would be sad if I didn't find it so funny.

The answer to the burning question is?

I could tell by the overwhelming response that everyone is dying to know what I was talking about in my last post, so look in the comments here for your answer.

Monday, August 09, 2004


This is a useful tool, commonly found in the range of 6 inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes. It is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other. In use, it is quickly inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound resulting from the well-lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft.

Well loyal readers, what is it? Speculate in the comments.

Some things just tickle me....

Top Ten things A Man Would Never Say
10..... I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
9..... While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
8..... I think hairy butts are realy sexy.
7..... Her tits are just too big.
6..... Sometimes I just want to be held.
5..... That chick on Murder She Wrote gives me a woody.
4..... Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.
3..... We haven't been to the mall in ages. Let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
2....Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
1..... I think we're lost. We'd better pull over and ask for directions.

Now, I know this is a sexist post. But honestly, other than maybe number 6, and 7, and occassionally 3, this is true. 6 because sometimes, like when I'm bleeding profusely, I like it to be held. 7 because let's face it, sometimes gigantimundo titties can be scary. 3, well, yeah, I actually like to shop MORE than my wife, but I only want to hold her purse to investigate a claim by Graumagus that it holds an interdimensional portal. Read all about that here

Pick your party, pick my nose.

Constitution In an anticipated move, the Constitution Party nominated Maryland attorney and anti-abortion activist Michael Peroutka for president at its national convention June 23-26 in Valley Forge, Pennsylvania. The Constitution Party supports a strict constitutional interpretation limiting the federal government's roles, fighting the "corruptive influence of political parties" and bolstering the Bible's influence in public life, particularly the U.S. legal system. Chuck Baldwin, a Baptist pastor and syndicatd talk radio host, is Peroutka's running mate.
Ok, I like the premise of this party. I would probably leave off the Biblical influence bit, just to garner more votes though.

Green The Green Party received national attention in 2000 when its presidential candidate, consumer advocate Ralph Nader, won 2.7 percent of the vote, infuriating some Democrats who believe Nader's candidacy took votes from Democrat Al Gore and helped Republican George W. Bush win the closely contested election. U.S. activists formed the party in 1984, basing it on the German Green Party. The "Greens" stress environmentalism, nonviolence, social justice and "grassroots organizing" as a counter-balance to the two major political parties. Nader, also the party's 1996 nominee, is running as an independent in 2004, but still sought the Green's endorsement, even picking prominent party member Peter Camejo as his running mate. But the Greens instead nominated Texas lawyer David Cobb, who has made growing the party a priority and said he may adjust his strategy to ensure President Bush does not win re-election.
Let's see, envirmentalism, nonviolence, and social justice...yeah I would vote for them around the same time I would vote for Kerry. i.e. NEVER!

Independence Until last year, the Independence Party was the only third party with a governor in its ranks -- Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura. (Maine Gov. Angus King, who also left office in January 2003, was an independent and did not formally belong to a party.) The party was formed in Minnesota in 1992 and changed names when it combined with the Minnesota Reform Party in 1996. It cut ties with the national Reform Party in 2000 and returned to its original name. The Independence Party is now a state-by-state organization, not a national one, and a Minnesota party official said the party is not likely to nominate a presidential ticket. The party, strongest in the Gopher State, aims to attract "centrist voters" with its calls for campaign reform, nonpartisanship and anti-corruption and anti-lobbying efforts.
Dude, they can't even organize nationally. Is this supposed to inspire voter confidence in their presidential nominee?

Natural Law Founded in 1992 to "bring the light of science into politics," the Natural Law Party advocates field-tested "solutions" -- such as mediation, organic farming and applying scientific laws -- in education, health, crime, trade, international affairs, environmental and other matters. In 2000, the party's presidential nominee was one of its founders, Iowa physicist John Hagelin, who also received support from a sizable segment of the Reform Party. The Natural Law Party will not nominate a presidential ticket this year, according to party officials.
If someone could show me how "scientific" law applies to crime, or trade, I may be persuaded to vote for this party in the future.

Libertarian The Libertarian Party favors minimizing the federal government's authority in favor of a free-market economy, free trade, nonintervention in international affairs and a dedication to "personal freedom." In 1996 and 2000, investment adviser Harry Browne was the party's presidential nominee. At its late May convention in Atlanta, Georgia, Texas constitutional scholar and computer expert Michael Badnarik came from behind to defeat movie producer Aaron Russo and radio talk show host Gary Nolan to win the Libertarian Party's presidential nomination. Richard Campagna, an attorney in Iowa City, Iowa, took the party's vice presidential nod.
The libertarian party is now a bastion of hope for pot smoking morons who want to change drug laws. By the way, apparently non-intervention in international affairs also means not returning fire when you are attacked, and turning a blind eye to immigration and drug smuggling.

Reform Many of the Reform Party's top issues -- opposing NAFTA and similar trade agreements, shedding the growing national debt and instituting political reform -- reflect the views of its founder, businessman and 1992 and 1996 presidential candidate Ross Perot. This year the party has endorsed independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader, and plans to formally nominate him at its national convention July 22-25 in Columbus, Ohio, according to party officials.
I like what this party stands for. ACTUAL conservativism. It will never boast of a presidential win, because business is EEEEvil. Anyone who makes money is EEEEvil, and paying your salary is EEvi...err, wait a minute.

Socialist While once a prominent national political force, the Socialist Party USA now focuses primarily on local elections and key issues, seeking the presidency on a "case-by-case" basis. The party platform, which it calls "both coherent and radical," faults capitalism for harming the environment, fostering economic inequality (particularly for minorities and women) and helping corrupt the government, and urges major institutional reform. Walt Brown -- a Navy veteran, lawyer and former Oregon state senator -- is running as the party's 2004 presidential nominee with Vermont teacher Mary Alice Herbert as his running mate.
The reason this party doesn't normally seek presidential election, is to keep the lights off of their insidious campaign of subversion. By only attacking local government on "key issues" they can keep their horse-shit politics under the radar.

Villainous Bastards of America Here's a few of the VBA party's platform issues:
Dissolve the UN (in acid)
Devastate the middle east with a series of earthquakes and tornados
Collect a economically crushing tribute from each citizen (after President Ming cuts out all spending on health care, welfare, public housing etc. this will result in a 20% savings for taxpayers)
Make the world tremble at my every whim
Slow, painful, and entertaining public executions for criminals
Making environmentalists polish Klytus' face with poisonous solvents
Government subsidized head shavings, goatee grooming, and eyebrow shaping

Hmm, what can you say about this party but...HELL YEAH! I get to keep more of my money than I do now, criminals are dealt with expediantly, and the world will *cough* be made an offer they can't refuse *cough* to join with us or die. Groovy.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

I HATE DIAL-UP!!!!!!!!

I broke down after reading all sorts of glowing reviews, and I bought "City of Heroes" today. It is a mmorpg involving super-heroes, and such. It actually eliminated all of the things I hate about other mmorpgs. Things like trade skills, and camping, and fishing, and other bullshit. It's basically all action, all the time.

Now then, as of 9:30 p.m. I have seven and a half hours to wait for the updates to load. I hate dial-up....damn it.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

A typical interview in today's political climate.

Typical Interview These Days
Commentator:It looks like this is going to be another close election. How do you think President Bush is doing?

GOP Representative:I think the President is doing a fine job bringing the economy back and winning 2 wars…

Dem Representative:WHAT? Oh c’mon… this is the worst economy since the depression, we’re bogged down in a quagmire in Iraq, we’re more danger of attack now than before 9-11 because this lying President not only didn't’t serve in the military but he is such a lying dope that even if he managed to do something right it’s only because Cheney is the “Big Oil” puppet master and really runs the administration.

Commentator:How about John Kerry… How do you see his candidacy going?

GOP Representative:Well, while we honor his service in Vietnam, he has a 20 year record in the Senate that needs to be addressed.

Dem Representative:OH, there you go again… attack, attack, attack that’s all you Republicans do cause you don’t want to talk about Bush’s miserable record. John Kerry is a WAR HERO! He served in VIETNAM while George Bush was ‘who knows where’ then sat there like a dope for 7 MINUTES while our country was under attack and he did nothing… NOTHING!!! John Kerry will make a great President… he’s got plans. all kinds of plans for everything. Not like this bunch that’s been asleep at the switch for 4 years running this country into the ground.

Commentator:Teresa Hienz Kerry has provided a number of unscripted moments on the trail that have turned into sound bites on the trail. Your thoughts?

GOP Representative:Ha ha, yea… she sure can be a bit of a loose cannon…

Dem Representative:Oh-kay, oh-kay, there you go again. A typical, uptight, right wing, conservative stiff, that’s terrified of a strong woman that speaks her mind. You’re nothing but a bunch of name calling jerks that would rather attack a poor helpless woman rather than talk about this administration’s miserable record on the economy, the quagmire in Iraq and all the other things wrong with this country. JOHN KERRY IS A WAR HERO and HE HAS A PLAN!!!!

Yeah, that's just plain funny. There a few things I might have added, like the Dems constant claim that their patriotism is constantly under attack. All the while attacking Republicans patriotism. I would have also added the claim that Bush is owned by Haliburton, when in truth they gave far more to Gore and Clinton than Bush. Haliburton LIKES the Kyoto protocol it allows them to make even more money.

So, there you have it, a typical interview these days.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Things I have been mistaken for.

I may have mentioned this before, but I am a large guy. 6'6ish, and around 315 pounds. I stand out in a crowd. Which is why it always amazes me when someone bumps into me, or comes around a corner, and mistakes me for something else.

Here's a short list, with my thoughts at the time:

He so big I thought he was a pole (Yeah, I got a big pole for you sweety)
It's like I ran into a wall or something (This wall can crush you mother fucker)
Oh god, I thought you were a tree until you moved (While not a plant, I do have some wood you might like)
I didn't realize you were a real person until you moved (I know, I AM good looking)
Without any statement what-so-ever, I had a person throw their coat on me in a restaraunt
I had someone once try to take shelter under me in the rain, the poor woman almost jumped out of her skin when I said hello (I seriously thought about goosing her, but I would've probably been maced or something)
Small children often use me as playground equipment, hence the nickname "Jungle Joe"

It's interesting to be out in public sometimes.

Only in the breakfast state. (You know, fruits, flakes, and nuts...California)

Speed Zone For The Handicapped

CALIFORNIA - In a bizarre twist of social conduct, students in wheelchairs at a
California college campus are being told to respect and be more aware of walking
pedestrians. Valley College officials recently set a speed limit of 4 mph for
the disabled, hoping to keep pedestrians from being hurt by speeding
wheelchairs. Vice President of Administration Tom Jacobsmeyer proposed the
regulation after seeing a student nearly hit by a woman "going very fast" in a
wheelchair. Disabled students compare the regulation to a "bad joke." First time
offenders will be warned, but chronic violators could be cited, suspended or

In other news, the mentally disabled are being asked to not go into public as they are considered "icky".

Monday, August 02, 2004

My new and improved political movement.

I tend to spout off about politics here at the soapbox quite a bit. I would like to point out that I intentionally don't list my sources. I don't care if a story is fact or fiction, or some mixture. I will form a snap judgment, and stick with it. I will play off rumors as facts. I don't care.

I call this "Fuck It" politics.

If I really wanted to be reputable, and a source of GOOD information, I wouldn't be doing this in the format I have chosen. I would write editorials for the paper or some shit.
I routinely feed you my opinion as fact, and don't care if it's ridiculous. I do however have sources that I would like to list. These are VERY reputable people, and organizations that not only provide good information, but add flavor to otherwise bland stories. I don't list them usually, because they don't check in here often, but I do thank them for their contributions.

Without further ado, my sources:
Jesus (not JESUS but hay zues): A Mexican guy up the street, who loves being in this country. He works full time at three jobs, doesn't pay taxes, and wonders why the government funds his kids education and healthcare.

Mohammed Al-Zarib Jalala Johnson: The black extremist Muslim who lives near my parents house. He hates whitey, and doesn't have a job. He blames the "Man" for holding him and his brothers down. He has a court appearance next Thursday for his eight drug offense, but the courts think they might look racist if they jail him.

Corkscrew: A member of my illustrious staff here at the soapbox. She thinks I am far too liberal. She is also my pet cat. She would ask that any contributions to this site be made in canned salmon.

Gekkak: Would be world conqueror, and sleeper under bridges.

The fine people at Without them, how could I laugh? They offer a valuable insight into the minds of morons. They let me know that George Bush is very much like Hitler, and that John Kerry is the second coming.

Vern: Gekkak's assistant, and lover of all things garbage related. He once made a car that would run on toenail clippings out of a cardboard drink-box, and some twine.

Last but not least...

Tylor: My brother and bud, who keeps me on my toes with politicians. He likes to remind me that they all want my money, I like to remind him that the Dems want more of it.

Thank you for your support, and keep the salmon coming.

Michael Moore, and why I don't hate him.

KTreva pointed out in an earlier post that I should get a punching bag with Michael Moore's face painted on it. While I probably do need a punching bag, his face wouldn't matter.

Why? Because I don't hate Michael Moore, I just see him for what he is. He is a man who has latched onto an untapped audience for the purpose of making obscene amounts of money. I can't begrudge him that. Yeah sure he lies, but what politician, film maker, or actor doesn't? If I could find a niche in the marketplace, I would exploit the fuck out it too.

Michael Moore annoys me, because I think he portrays himself as someone who gives a shit about the tripe he puts out. I truly do not believe that he believes what he says. I think rather, that he uses the hot issue of the day to make a quick buck, and then moves on to whatever is next. He is the poster child for, always moving on to what the next issue is, without ever resolving the one that is at hand. They, like Michael Moore, are oppurtunists, and he represents them well.

In a time when it seems many people have taken a stand one way or another, which I think is a good thing, he has sided with those that are most easily lied to and manipulated. The side that is constantly told they don't have a voice, when in fact they have the loudest voices of all. The side that wants to make the world a better place without a clue as to how that kind of change REALLY takes place. Flowers and love are great. I like flowers, I grow them on the deck here in Crapistan. But flowers and love won't make the rest of the world like us any more than giving them money will. We give out more money to foreign countries in one year, than any nation has. Ever. Does that make them like us. No, it makes them resent us because we have to bail them out of the shithole in which they find themselves.

Michael Moore lets these people believe their way can work.(Never has, never will.) He distorts the truth in a way that allows them to believe they have the power to change the world. (Never have, never will, people with jobs change the world. Not lifetime students, and jobless activists.) He takes the money they get from their parents, and "art" grants, and trust funds. He takes it and all the while tells them they matter.

Michael Moore is a product of everything he espouses to hate. He is a capitalist, money making brand name. The reason he is not hated by the lefties who flock to his movies is that he pretends to empower them for a couple hours, and laughs all the way to the bank. He is just as, or more destructive than any corporation on the planet. He is easily as recognizable as Nike or Coca-Cola. He uses this brand recognition in a way that I don't agree with, but I don't hate him for it. If I thought for a second he believed the bullshit he spouts off at every opportunity I might have stronger feelings in this regard.

I hate Osama bin-Laden, I hate Koffee (can) Anan, I hate Jacques Chirac, I hate George Soros (The biggest contributor to any cause wanting Bush out of office). Michael Moore, well, he just doesn't stack up in that company. He is a loud-mouthed money making machine that has found his niche in a market of fools.

I wonder if my hoping to get healthy again is like trying to surf in Nebraska. It sounds like it may be possible, but the logistics are staggering.

Some days are easier than others, some days I just don't get out of bed. I try to not wallow in my own shit too much, but sometimes it's comforting to know the stench you're stuck in. I am familiar with, and used to having an inexplicable illness, five out of five doctors agree that they don't agree. I wish I could be flippant, and just blow this shit off, but life has dealt me a fuck you card.

I don't know if I ever told anyone, but right before I got sick, I was told that I would be put in charge of one of the units at work. This was a big deal for the uneducated thug that is me. I would have been the top unit tech. (think hands on counselor/baby sitter/teacher) I would have been making decisions that efffected HOW we treated our patients. I would have been setting up curriculums, and study guides.

I would have been happy.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Man, I AM a prick. OR Men are from mars, women are from ..who the fuck knows?

The wife and I had one fuck of a fight this evening. Not a nice argument, not a little venting. This was one of those times when I am ashamed to be me, I screamed, called her something horrible, threw a lighter into a candle across a room, reinjuring my arm in the proccess. I don't like being scary. We both were going to leave at one point.

Thankfully, we were able to talk after a while. I hate fighting with my wife, I love her so dearly, and she is everything to me. At this point in my life, I can guarantee I would not be here typing this if she was not a part of it.

What could make you so angry Joe? Why yell at and scare this treasure in your life?

Easy answer, I am a prick.

Less easy answer....well...I felt turned against. I know it sounds stupid even typing it. But it doesn't feel so stupid inside me. Anyone who has read this blog for any ammount of time, knows I am in a year and a half long depression, and I have considerable medical ills. Part of my depression is an overreaction to simple things. (Why couldn't I just be a cryer for gods sake?) I get angry over nothing, things that would've only slightly annoyed me in the past however, make me livid. I live in a perpetual state of frustration. And sometimes, I CRAVE physical pain, to let me feel something new for a change.

Today was supposed to be a happyfunday, and it was up to a point. That point being a disagreement with one of the wife's friends. I consider any friend of my wife as a friend by proxy, but sometimes I just get fucking annoyed. I didn't WANT to argue, but it was like I couldn't stop myself.

No problem right? Why be angry at the wife?

Well, she decided to (in my eyes) side with her friend over me. If it was something where I could have been wrong I could understand, but in this case it seemed the friend in question was pushing my buttons on purpose just to see the freak show, so to speak. I felt as though I wasn't supposed to have an opinion. When my wife defended said friends actions, I internalized a whole mess of rage, and went on my merry way.

Just to let you know, I have been holding a resentment for a month or so against the wife, and another friend for seeming to think that any opinion I have is flippant, and/or going to be followed by a loud rant in public. This is not the case usually, but you fuck up once and it mars your reputation for eternity. That came to a head (inside of me anyway) when I was going to make a joke about the industry that has popped up around Bush bashing, which I never finished because of the "Oh Gawd!" from friend, and rolled eyes from wife.

Honestly, I don't care what my wife's friends think of me, they are after all HER friends, not mine. (Even if I consider them so) But with my friends, you can joke around about anything. Not so with hers. That's fine, really, the only person whose opinion really matters to me is my wife's. Tnat's why this hurt so much, I felt betrayed. I would never side with anyone against my wife, that's just a simple fact. Whether she's wrong or right I got her back. I just feel like that isn't the case when it's reversed. Yeah that's probably my issue to deal with, but fuck...I can't deal with paint mixing the wrong way, and video games not going how I want them.

So in here is a lesson, and a question. What's the lesson? That's simple, as any good AAer will tell you, resentments lead to problems. Let go and let god. (Or whatever your higher power happens to be) I need to go to some meetings, and get my bearings.

The question is more difficult to ask. I don't even know how to put it. I know I overeacted, I know I am probably to blame for this blowing out of proportion. Those are easy for me. Harder it is to ask, AM I at ALL justified for being angry? Am I just being a whiny little bitch about this? Please, be blunt, tell me what you think. Ask for details, and I might even send them to you via E-Mail just so you can help me figure this shit out.