Sunday, May 29, 2005

But I don't wanna be a Sith dammit!

You scored as Darth Vader.

Darth Vader


Anakin Skywalker




Obi Wan Kenobi






Padme Amidala




Clone Trooper


Mace Windu


General Grievous


Emperor Palpatine


created with

The sad truth is...I knew which character I would be after the first five questions.

Friday, May 27, 2005

One line wisdom...

One line of wisdom before I leave for the 'vous this weekend.

"It is better to be understanding, than to be understood." St. Francis


Well I've had it up to with this. The level of disrespect, the pure malevolent deliberate ignoring. The disrespectfulness of it all.

I am boycotting Tammi.

I looked and looked, sure it was a mistake of some kind. Certain that it was just my eyes going bad. But no. No link. No LOVE! Well I won't stand for it. She has a section on people that make her think, well, I don't belong there. There is one on people that make her smile...again maybe not, but "I" think I'm funny. But for fucksakes at least put in the section of bloggers you've met in person.

Until this travesty is suitably resolved, I will have no choice but to boycott Tammi's World, and bring all two of my readers with me. And my new pet spider "Harvey". And my remote control...and my chair...and my happy little sippy cup....

This sarcastic rant brought to you by the letter 6. =)

Happy Birthday Machelle

To Machelle, I am not sure if this is what you had in mindm but they are "work" boots.
Looky Here!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Ok, seriously, this is one of the funniest things I have seen in a while.

Star Wars is a tool of Satan

Billions of dollars has been made off the series of movies called The Star Wars that is beloved by millions. Many big fans of this space opera, do not know that the fantasy epic they enjoy is not a simple entertainment, but Satan's Battleground for their very souls!

In this “Final Episode” of the Star Wars, EVIL triumphs using the Force - a greater force they claim than God! This is a Dangerous LIE! This is no mindless entertainment, but an attempt by DEMONS to distract you from your real 75 year mission on planet Earth, to give yourself to Jesus! Do not trust a Yodah puppet from Satan’s dream factory, trust in the Word of the Bible!

Since 1999 we warned that the end times will be upon us with THE SEVENTH SEQUEL – and that time is now. Do you have a collection of the Star Wars figures and idols? Do you watch the Star Wars- religiously? No Force can help you, White side or Black. Armies fight Babylon, the towers exploded - the battle of Armageddon is soon, but you must decide! Turn your back on fantasy movies and give yourself to the only real faith – the truth of JESUS.

Christians REJOICE! Jesus will lead us in a real star war - between the armies of Heaven and Satan. Believers will “beam” up to the Starship in the sky, and Captain Jesus shall lead a thousand year Federation of Planets before Judgment Day. We are destined to WIN!

And there were voices, and thunders, and lightnings; and there was a great earthquake, such as was not since men were upon the earth, so mighty an earthquake, and so great. -Revelations 16:18

When you stand before Jesus’ throne what will you say you believe in —the power of the Lord, or the power of the Force? Science fiction fans repent. Your very eternal SOUL depends on your answer.

The Morality Players - Coming Soon to L.A.!

Accept JESUS as your Star Guide by seeing the Morality Players perform the works of JACK CHICK on August 19-21 2005 – The only entertainment in Hollywood that saves your eternal soul –Guaranteed!

Sunday, May 22, 2005

How ironic.

What Is Your Animal Personality?

brought to you by Quizilla

The Crow is one of my favorite movies, how strange that I came up with this animal personality.

Evil Glenn vs. Writer's Block :A Filthy Lie!

Writer’s block. The bane of authors the world over. Anyone who has written more than a few crappy letters to the editor has had it. This is the factual account of a case of writers block gone horribly wrong, as reported to the Nashville, TN sheriff’s deputies. Normally we change the names in such stories to protect the innocent, but let’s face it nobody is innocent in this case.

Tues. April 26th, 2005:

During a trip to the Dixie Gunworks outlet store in Tennessee, Graumagus, Contagion, and littlejoe stopped at a small diner for a bite to eat, and to stretch their legs. It had been a long drive from northern Illinois, and they were famished.
They entered “Molly Protein House” and took seats at a booth near the back of the establishment. Contagion, while taking stock of the people seated in the diner to assess their threat level, noticed a man seated near the entrance typing away at a laptop. His heart visibly jumped into his throat, as his eyes widened.
“Hey Grau, isn’t that Evil Glenn over there?”
Graumagus, casually turned his head to look,
“Yeah, I think it is dude, that’s fucked up man!”
littlejoe was too busy eating a pat of butter to notice their conversation, so he just nodded and made agreeing sounds.
Evil Glenn, the would be world conqueror, destroyer of hobos, and drinker of puppy laden protein shakes was sitting no more than twenty feet from them, typing away, and deleting.
“This article on the state of my domination over the blogosphere simply will not allow itself to be written.”
Glenn takes a sip of a sickly, pinkish, almost pus-like fluid, smacks his lips, and starts typing again.
“Dude, he’s actually drinking a puppy public. That’s fucking fucked up dude!”
“Oh god, it looks like when I had that infected toenail removed, oh I am going to puke.”
“Hey guys, this butter is really good, you should try some.”
Just then, there is a crash, followed quickly by a rash of swearing, and Glenn yelling,
“This writers block will be the end of me. My empire will come crashing down around me if I am unable to post my three-hundred-fifty-first post today.”
Glenn spins out of the booth in which he is seated, his cape whirling poetically about him, the shattered remnant of his laptop at his feet, he raises a fist, and states,
“Is there nothing that will break through this mortal limitation of imagination?”
Grau, and Contagion sink lower in their seats, much like everyone else in the diner, even the zaftig waitress. Except for the unfortunately oblivious littlejoe.
“Dude, duck!” Grau whispers insistently.
“Aw shit, he spotted you.” Contagion mumbles as he disappears under the table, fumbling with his pocket knife.
“What? Who spotted what?” littlejoe says confused by the sudden disappearance of his friends.
Evil Glenn approaches the table where he is sitting, licking the last precious smears of butter from the waxy surface it was pressed onto.
“You!” Glenn says through clenched teeth.
“Me.” littlejoe states.
“You will help me break through my writers block, your suffering will inspire me to write again!” Glenn says, implying a future of limitless torment for littlejoe.
littlejoe, never one to be intimidated by men wearing capes, cocks and eyebrow, and asks,
“And what exactly are you trying to say sparky?”
Evil Glenn raise both hands, palms to the sky, his fingers clawed,
“I am saying that I am going to torture you, burn you, chop you into pieces, and then kill you.”
He starts laughing maniacally at the thought, pauses, and says,
“Excuse me, I must visit the little emperors room.”
He turns on his heel, and storms off the washroom. As he enters the door, Graumagus, and Contagion grab littlejoe by his collar, and drag him out to the car.
“But I’m hungry!” he pleads.
Graumagus hangs his head, and sighs, “Dude, that is Evil Glenn, do you not understand what he is planning on doing to you?”
Contagion, almost jumping in over Grau says, “You know, ‘puppies in blenders’ Glenn.”
littlejoe shrugs, sighs, and says,
“But I wanted some fried chicken.”
Graumagus’ face was a picture of horror as he heard those words. littlejoe had been known to get fried chicken. Allowing himself to be experimented on wouldn’t be the worst of them either.
While he is not watching, Contagion smacks littlejoe in the back of the head with a tire-iron knocking him unconscious.
“Dude, that’s going to leave a mark.” Grau says, chuckling.
“Get in. Drive.” Contagion says.
A short time later, littlejoe wakes up in the back seat to the sounds of police sirens.
“What the fuck man, you fucking hit me in the head!”
Contagion looking quite sincere says,
“It was for your own good.”
He was about ask what was going on, when the deputy knocked on the window.
“I am going to have to ask you all to step slowly out of the car, keep you hands where I can see them, and lie down on the ground.”
The deputy’s pistol was aimed at Grau’s head, and the other deputies had their long arms leveled at the car.
Turning to Contagion, he asks,
“Sir, we have reason to believe this is your pocket knife.”
Contagion takes a mental inventory of his pockets and realizes that in the rush to get out of the diner, he dropped the knife he was trying to pull out when Evil Glenn was approaching them. All three of our subjects notice at the same time, that there something red, wet, and dripping from the blade.
“Yeah, he must’ve dropped it back there.” littlejoe states innocently.
Both Contagion, and Grau groan at the words coming out of his mouth, and would probably have killed him on the spot, had it not been for the sheriffs’ deputies having them in their sights.
“You have the right.....”

“What are the charges?!!?” Contagion asks, trying to be calm, but realizing things just got very, very bad.
“This knife was found a few hours ago thanks to an anonymous tip, it was stuck in a puppy that was half blended into a shake.”
As the deputy finished talking, the three of them realized how bad this really was. Evil Glenn had set them up, there was no hope, he owned half the blogosphere, and had power beyond their ability to comprehend.
“What’s even worse, is that it was stuck through this!”
He hold up a waxed paper butter thing, printed on it is,
“Puppy butter, 100% natural, no artificial colors, or flavors.”
littlejoe proceeds to puke his guts out, not because it was puppy butter he had eaten earlier, but because he really, really liked it.
The deputy scowled, and shook his head in disgust,
“I hope you guys rot for this!”
A scant few miles away, Evil Glenn is typing away on his laptop, humming a little tune. His article completed at last.

Let go absolutely.

Warning! If you do not want to destroy any notions you may have about how "optimistic", or strong I am, do not read this.

There is a chapter in the Alcoholics Anonymous book titled, "How it works". In this chapter is a line so profound, so beautiful in it's simplicity, that it sums up entirely the secret to long lasting inner peace. What is this line?

"Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas, and the result was nil until we let go absolutely."

Self-centeredness, self-involvement, and eventually self-destruction, these are the things I know I can get out of life easily. I have had more than enough experience in these things to know however, that I don't want it anymore. An ideal existence for me, is one without internal turmoil.
Unfortunately for me, what I want is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. In quiet times of self-reflection, when I am honest with myself, I know that I am trying to get a grip on this concept. Most times, I even accomplish letting go rather well. The fact of the matter is though, that I am still a very willful person at heart. I can let go of the way I used to be, the things I used to do, and the way I used to act, but in the end, it seems I replace them with more self-centered goals, more self-involved bullshit, and more self-destructive thinking.
I am tired. I am not tired in the physical sense, no, but I am tired in the emotionally screwed up, unable to let irrelevant things go way.
I have accomplished a couple of pretty neat things since my former wife asked me to leave. I have become a publish poet. I have gotten myself into college somehow. And I have found a manner of living which requires me to be brutally honest with myself. In this honesty, I have had to admit things to myself, that have driven me to the brink of suicide. For anyone who knows me, they know that I am not the type of person who kills themselves, but at that one moment, I was done. I was tired of being who and what I was, and I just wanted to be finished with this journey, and move on to the next. When I was there, I had an experience. I can only describe this as a "spiritual" experience. I hated myself, I hated God, I hated my ex, and I couldn't face life as it was anymore. I dropped to my knees, and I begged. I begged for a reason to live. I begged for God to take all this shit away from me. At this point in my life, I had based everything I was on the woman I was married to. I had no "me" to speak of. I looked in the mirror, and stated simply, with tears streaming down my face, "I hate you.". At that moment, I knew I was too weak to even kill myself properly. I thought I was a complete failure in this journey we call life.
At that point, my "spirtual experience" happened. I knew there was a reason for me to live. I didn't know what it was, still don't really, but there was some reason I wasn't dead yet. Something spoke to me, not in that crazy "I hear the voice of god", kind of way, but something in my heart said to put away the razor, and the pills, and to just go to bed. So I did. I slept like the dead, and when I woke up, I did something I hadn't done in months, I prayed. Why? You might ask. I will tell you. When I woke up, there was a calmness in me, my emotions were like a lake with no breeze. Serenity was mine, at that moment, and I chose to ask God to forgive me for all of the badmouthing I had done, for all of the lashing out like a child. I thanked God right then, for giving me some measure of peace in my life at that moment.
I discovered that morning, that I had "let go absolutely", and that through that act of letting go, I had become happier than I had been in many years.
That was back in the beginning of March, and I haven't forgotten about it. For some as yet unrevealed reason, I am supposed to be alive right now. I have chosen to live life like there was no yesterday, and will be no tomorrow ever since. Now is the only place I can truly be, and the only place I can be happy. I am not perfect in any way at doing this, as some of my posts this week will attest, but I try. Through the act of trying, I am better afterwards than if I chose to go back to my old way of operating in which I would only see the negative, and wallow in it as much as I could; seeking the pity, or disdain from others that I felt for myself.
When someone called me "optimistic", I should have told them the first thing that popped into my head right then, "I am not optimistic, I have faith that things will happen exactly as they are supposed to, and that worrying about it won't make it happen any differently.". Someone once told me, that if worrying would do any good, they would sit and worry away my problems with me.
One more thing, while I have not perfected the art of letting go, I do know that when I can (which is more and more often these days) I can accept life as it happens, and not try to control everything. Controlling how things pan out, the "why" of things, and what other people do/feel/say, are not up to me. Those are management decisions, and I am not management material. I leave that to a power greater than myself, that I choose to call God at this time.

This has been yet another one of littlejoe's emotional pukings, and if you read it, thanks.

Friday, May 20, 2005

I learned something about html, I think.

I decided to change things up here at the soapbox, I had gone far too long without any link-love, or really a sidebar at all.

So I switched everything up, and am sort of happy with this look, we'll see if it grows on me more, or if with my new-found blog powers I decide to keep screwing with it.
I did not link to everyone I should yet, so give me time, I will get to it!

Thursday, May 19, 2005

I guess I am not "middle of the road" as I thought.

Your Political Profile

Overall: 80% Conservative, 20% Liberal

Social Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Ethics: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

For all you futurama fans out there.

Bender Soundbard

I liked it anyway.

An apology to cows.

This is just funny, I signed it, you should all sign it. The cows need to know that we appreciate their tasty sacrifice.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

A letter I can't send.

I am not much of a letter writer, but sometimes it's the only way to get across what I mean. I was all set to send this, and I just can't. I don't have the right to cause anymore pain in this woman's life. I put this up here on the off chance that one day she may stumble in and read this. I don't ask for much from my readers, but please, if you choose to comment on this post be respectful.

Dear (ex-wifes name),

I hope this finds you well. I am writing you, because I don't think calling is a good idea. So if you decide to respond, mail is best.

I am writing to ask about how Thor, and Jinx, and Corckscrew (the wondercat) are doing? I miss my boy, and the girls sometimes, and am just hoping they are all healthy, and happy.

I miss you too from time to time. I would have liked to have been this healthy while we were together. I know I shouldn't be contacting you because it hurts you to remember how things were, and all the dreams we had together. There are things I can't leave unsaid though, things that I need you to hear.

I need to thank you for a few things, some of them may sound sarcastic, but they aren't. First, thank you for being strong enough to let me go. You and I were not good for each other at the end, and I was really bitter and angry all the time. You were visibly unhappy, and a nervous wreck, living with me the way I was, I can see why. By finally letting me go, you have made it possible for me to figure out who and what I am. Second, without you, I would never have found AA, and I have to thank you for that. I have finally found out how to be honest, and my only real regret is not being that way with you. Third, thank you for taking care of me, even when you probably shouldn't have. Lord knows if our situations had been reversed, I don't think I could have been as strong as you. One last thing, thank you for all of the good memories you have made with me. I am a better person for having known you.

The last thing I need you to hear is really hard to say to you. I have said it to other people, and I mean it, but saying it to you is like letting that final shred of "us" go. I want you to be happy, and to find someone who can be everything you ever dreamed of. I know that I was not that man, as much as I wish I could've been. You deserve your prince charming, and so much more.

Please, if you choose to write back, only answer about the pets, the rest is just stuff I had to say before this.... Goodbye.

Love always,


Monday, May 16, 2005

Let the rant begin!

Man, I swear if I am not posting stupid jokes, I am puking my emotional guts out on here. Guess which one this is going to be?

Today, I was talking to my Jay, we got to talking about this garage sle he was selling his baseball cards at. The conversation was going nicely, and then I did something stupid. I asked him a question I shouldn't have asked him, about something that is really none of my business.

The kicker here, is that the garage sale was at my ex-sister-in-laws house.

One of the things I have learned during my stint in sobriety is that what other people think of me is none of my business. Compliments, and insults have the same moral weight. It isn't that anyone was bad talking me that bugs me. It is to be expected, especially considering the source of the talking. My ex-sister-in-law and I have never seen eye to eye on much. We remained civil for the most part, but never "liked" each other. Both of us used to be horrible gossipy types, but the difference is I have tried to stop being that way.

Anyway, the thing that has me bothered is that, while my friend was there, she, and another wonderful human being who she calls a friend would go right next to Jay, and start talking some shit about my ex, and her recent trip to Florida with her other sister and "friend". To know why this bugs me, you have to know that I used to be very jealous, and still can be. If I am IN a relationship with someone. I'm insecure as hell about relationships. Always have been.

With that knowledge, the friend and sister kept trying to insinuate something about her friend being a guy or something, I don't know. I really ( and this is the truth) don't care. If the ex has found someone who makes her happy, well, good. I only hope I get that lucky later on. What pisses me off, is the "fourteen year old" manipulation of trying to use my friend to somehow hurt me. The subject matter they were trying to hurt me with is actually laughable. I am only glad he chose to be the bigger man in this case.

My ex and I have been civil through this whole divorce/separation process, and I plan on remaining so, if I ever have to interact with her. It is just the childish stabs at my ego (which used to be huge even with NO self-esteem) that bother me. I mean, seriously, I don't go out my way to hurt other people, and this was an obvious attempt to get under my skin through someone very close to me. It worked for a little while, but not for the reasons they thought it would.

I had to write this out, because I really wasn't sure what I was feeling, but it was ugly, and unhealthy. In writing it out, I think I have let go of it. I guess I have some praying to do.

Regardless of what was said, or implied, I wish my ex the best, and will continue to. I also forgive these two for trying to hurt me, it is how some people deal with things. I probably deserve that, and more. I have never claimed to have been a good husband. Neither does the ex claim to have been the perfect wife. I was a dishonest, nasty, angry man. Thankfully I was never a violent person. The only things I know for sure today, is that things will work out exactly how they are supposed to, and that I was never promised a pain free life.

Thank you for reading,


P.S. The lesson here is, what other people say, or think about you is none of your business.

The greatest hooker in Vegas.

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and A knockout looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the Hooker, "How much do you charge?"
Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap No hand-job is worth that kind of money!" The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."
Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."
They retire to a nearby motel. A short timeLater, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that He just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, Worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"
The hooker replies, "$1,500."
"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"
The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, Big boy. Do you see that casino just across the Street? I own that casino outright. And I own it Because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific Hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another Year or so, and says, "Sign me up."
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but, He feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides To dip into the retirement savings for one glorious And unforgettable experience.
He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"
The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want To show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and show places?"
"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"
*No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."*

And now the truth about drinking "beer".

Police are warning all men who frequently attend clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer".

The drug is found in liquid form and available anywhere.

It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs".

"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of "Beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several "Beer", men will often succumb to the desires to perform sexual acts on women whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking "Beer", men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as a "relationship".

In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage".

Men are much more susceptible to this scam after "Beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please forward this warning to every male you know.

If you fall victim to this "Beer" and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly affected like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Makes me wonder about all that hissing!

littlejoe's aliases

Your movie star name: Peaches Frank

Your fashion designer name is Joseph London

Your socialite name is Joey San Fransisco

Your fly girl / guy name is J D'A

Your detective name is Bear Auburn

Your barfly name is Chips None

Your soap opera name is David Midway

Your rock star name is Sour Millenium Falcon

Your star wars name is Jostho D'Anon

Your punk rock band name is The Pissy Lightsaber

Who'd'a thunk it?

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 40%

Greed: 20%

Lust: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Envy: 0%

Gluttony: 0%

Pride: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will get bugs, because you're too lazy to shoo them off. And then you'll die.

I mean really though, bugs? I'm not THAT lazy, sheesh.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Prison vs. Work

I know this has been around a while, but I thought I should post it anyway.

Work Vs. Prison
In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell
At work you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
In prison you get 3 meals a day.
At work you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison a guard locks, unlocks...opens and closes all doors for you.
At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all
doors yourself.
In prison you get your own toilet.
At work you have to share.
In prison they allow you to visit family and friends.
At work you can't even speak to family and friends.
In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct
taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside
wanting to get out.
At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.
In prison you can enjoy many programs which you can leave at anytime.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.
In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic and psychotic.
At work we call them managers.

Feel free to add some points.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Blogfodder, introverts, and the perfect beard.

Well now loyal readers, it has come to my attention that several people have been writing about the fateful blogmeet of May 7th, 2005. I am slightly disturbed by this, as I thought it was a "what happens here, stays here kind of thing", but since the blabbers have blabbed, let me tell tell you how it really went down.

Contagion, and myself drove into the wonderful town of Boondocks, Illinois. My first impression was the smell of ass, and butter. I still think it was Contagion having a little pre-meeting people nervous gas, but he denied it. We entered this beautiful, rustic(holeinthewall) establishment, and I swear the jukebox skipped, and everyone turned to look at us. I could see the bloodlust in the eyes of the regulars, and knew enough to cautiously make my way toward the back, where the socially unacceptable bloggers would inevitably be.

Let me preface my descriptions of the people and account given here with a simple statement:
The rest of the people posting about this event are degenerates, and wouldn't recognize the truth if it smacked them upside their heads. I would never lie to you, my readers, just to make my story more entertaining. It goes against my journalistic integrity.

As I made my way past the horde of (possibly) well-armed locals, I spotted Grau's sometimes mate Harvey leaping from his chair to greet us. At this point I knew the natives were harmless. I mean seriously, if Harvey could be here, unharmed, I knew I would be OK. My guard relaxed a little, I still decided to sit with an easy route to the door, if only because I was wary of the people I was here to meet.

I will give you my impressions of these assorted bloggers as they were made upon me in a list format:

1. T1g is an interesting fellow who is self deprecating to the point of destructiveness. I was thouroughly impressed with his ability to have the perfect comment (albeit under his breath) for everything. We hit it off, and bullshitted for most of the afternoon/evening. I would have had his back in the event the natives got restless. I did notice however, that EVERYONE knew him at this establishment. Another thing about T1g is that "drunken-wisdom" is a perfect blog name for him. The more he drank, the more Yoda/Confucious-like he became.

2. Tammi is a cheerleader/punkrocker/lady of the mattress. One of the first things she said in my vicinity was something about work, and beds, and well, you know what THAT means. She has an innate ability to draw attention to herself, and then set herself up for (really bad)witty quips. An interesting thing about Tammi, she kept threatening to beat people up. I'm not of the inspiration for this, but I think it may have been the fact that she wasn't the prettiest girl at the table, which brings us to number three.

3 Harvey. What can be said about Harvey that hasn't already been published in IQ. (That's inmates quarterly.) He likes long walks, cigars, hairy asses, and tits tattoed on the backs of his "bitches". He's the perfect man-around-the block. I was impressed with his almost complete omission of anything remotely bloggable. However, I did get the distinct impression that he "liked" sitting next to Contagion. There were times I couldn't see hands, and they were both smiling, draw your own conclusion. Aside from his witty commentary, and blind devotion to IMAO, what sticks out most about Harvey is his beard. Never in my life, and I mean never, have I seen such a meticulously groomed man. I think he has added to the world of retrosexuality, is a what not to do list. This is a beard of legend. A perfect jawline, even in every aspect, the cheek line was no less impressive. His beard is what Grau's would be.... if Grau were a chick.

4. TNT, or Harvey's (way...way) better half as I see it. She seemed to me to be an observer of people, or maybe just hugely introverted, I am not sure. I did notice that she never missed anyone's smartassed comments, and towards the end of the evening, I could see the wheels turning on how to kill everyone, extricate herself, and still collect Harvey's insurance money. There was one point I thought she was going to actually remove his finger from his hand because he said something insane, like "I love you", or "thanks", or something like that.

5. Teresa was the one to watch this evening. When she wasn't ploting with TNT on how to join in her plot to kill us, she busied herself with stories about her children. I believe this was an attempt to disarm us, and make us less able to defend ourselves. Or maybe she's just proud of her kids, I'm not entirely sure. Another observer of people, she spent alot of time with her jaw on the table thanks to some of the stories being told throughout the evening.

6. Contagion is one paranoid sum'bitch. I have known him many years, and forget that when around new people, he is not exactly...umm...cooth. A great guy all around however once you know him a little bit, and a better friend one could not ask for.

7. Me. I got caught up in what I call "pretty-girl syndrome". It's where there are attractive women near me, and I can't speak coherently, or about anything that I would call sane.

That's my impression of the people from the blogmeet. Remember, I wouldn't lie to you, but I would sell you icewater in the arctic. =)

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Hmmm..somebody thinks I are smart..or something.

So, after truly delving into my reasons for wanting to go to school before going back to work, I came to the conclusion that I was going to try applying at an online "University". This turned into two over hour long phone conversations with the admissions counselor, which led to me essentially spilling my life story to this poor...poor...overwhelmed woman. I was impressed that she actually listened to it all. The truly impressive thing to me however, was that she LISTENED to me. She commented on quite a few things I had said, and seemed impressed with my entrance essay, which in truth was a rant on the over politicized brick and morter campuses, and my earnest desire to do something productive with my talents.

The admission board sent me an e-mail, not only accepting me, but commending me on my,
"perseverence through adversity," and my, "strength of character, honesty, and intelligence."

So there fuckers! I are smart, and stuff. I will now be referring to myself as the commendable littlejoe. Thank you.