Friday, July 30, 2004

Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. Never use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means, "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so inspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.
That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay," means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done."That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome. Thanks a lot: This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings...

Pain...a poem.

There are many things in this world that hurt.
Some are large, some small,
some insignificant when thought about.

Some pain comes from inside, some from outside.
From pain comes understanding of,
hidden desires,
unrequited loves.

Physical pain is memorable,
mental pain can be deceptively,

I've known the pain of loss, the pain of inury,
the pain of time.
Looking through the lenses of aged wisdom, I have seen the suffering of others, and accepted my part in them.
Tried desperately to,

Does it really matter where,
the pain comes from,
or goes to?

I only know this.
My pain is only special to me,
and nobody else can have it.

Cooking in the littlejoe family.

I was talking to my mother this morning, and we got to talking about what I was making for dinner. I told her bbq ribs, and mashed potatoes. She said, "Oh, I could get out my ribs, and you could come over here and cook."

That sounded like a fine idea. So I packed up the ingredients for my bbq sauce, grabbed my small package of country ribs (only 3lbs.) and headed to the folks house.

Now keep in mind, I am cooking for five people. (Wife, mother, father, brother, and myself) When I get there, I discove that my Ma, in all her wonderful glory, has got about 1olbs. Of ribs. I asked her what small country I was cooking for. Her answer was, "Well when I got out one package, your brother said 'aren't you guys going to eat' so I got out the other package."

This whole cooking enough food for twenty people thing was a hard habit to break. I lived with my folks on and off 'til I got married, and used to cook for anyone who might visit. (Siblings, their kids...And so on.) so I got used to making large amounts of food. It took me almost three years of being married before I stopped cooking that much. I finally was able to cook for two. Now I think my mother has reversed the process. When I got there, I was asked if I would make some banana bread. Who am I to turn down my mother? SO I was going to make a loaf of the sweet dense bread. The my Ma got out enough bananas for three loafs. I knew it was going to be one of those days.

So after some toil, and assisted stirring (I am still one armed) we made three loafs of banana bread. It came out deliciously, considering I never, ever measure ingredients. I also started making bbq sauce at this point. I browned some onions, garlic, and parsley, added some lemon juice and vinegar, and procceeded to nearly kill myself with vinegar fumes. After recovering, I added the rest of the ingredients, and turned the heat down so it would simmer for few hours, while I cooked ribs.

Thirteen pounds of ribs is a-fucking-lot of ribs. I seasoned them, put them into a pan that is so large it has no right to be, and threw them into a 450 degree oven. I didn't even bother to brown them. Did I mention that was alot of ribs?

A few hours later, we are all siiting around the table, wondering why in the hell we ate so much, nearly comotose.

That was when I realized that I had become so much like my father it was scary. I remember Sunday dinners, with 20 people in the small 3 bedroom house I grew up in. All of us eating steak, pasta, and various salads. I remember my Dad looking so happy at those times, watching his family eat his creations with such enjoyment (and almost no bloodshed suprisingly).

I think today I finally understand that feeling. You put so much effort into such a transitory thing as food. You wonder why go through the trouble. Then you look at the happy, very full people around the table, and remember that they are the whole reason you did it. I guess for me, cooking is an expression of love.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Deep Thoughts By littlejoe

Sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses. Especially if you're using your latest victim as fertilizer. 'Cause hey, roses are nice.

This post brought to you by the letter 3. And 29 hours awake, with no end in sight.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Fuckity fuck fuck, fucking fuck.

Sometimes, only the simplest of language can express how you feel. Today I got a call from a collection agency, and they got downright nasty with me. Normally, this would just sort of piss me off. But the motherfucker started calling me a dead-beat, and lazy...yada yada. I informed him that we had filed bankruptcy, and he should be getting the notice soon. He then went on another bitching fit.(Note, I already feel like an ass for having to file bankruptcy, so this fucktard is lucky he's in another state.) I informed him that I was recording the message, and he got all polite and apologetic. I then told him that he was in violation of federal law. He didn't like that either.

Then I got nasty, and told him why I had to file, and how yes, I would like to pay this bill, but it wasn't feasible. He sounded so different after my twenty minute sob story. I almost felt bad for putting him through it...then I thought...fuck'em.

Another job I wouldn't mind having.

Foreign strippers planning to dance in Canadian clubs must now provide photos of themselves with no clothes on to qualify for a visa for Canada.
Immigration officers are having to pore through naked pictures of hundreds of exotic dancers to keep imposters out of Canada. Read full article

Is it just me, or does this sound like a good excuse for male inspectors to collect photos.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

A bunch of crap about John "I don't know what I should believe in" Kerry

I can't confirm any of this off the tope of my head, but the site listed is pretty brutal to Kerry. I like that.

John Kerry
I have voted in favor of higher taxes 350 times
I have voted against the Reagan tax cuts during a strong recession (the cuts were passed and provided 7 years of economic boom creating over 20 million jobs)
I have voted against the Bush tax cuts during recession (the cuts were passed and also created 1.5 million jobs in 10 months and stimulated the economy)
I stated that "any senator that voted against the $87 billion to fund our troops in Iraq would be turning his back on them."
Then I vote against it.
I voted against the first gulf war that had a 14 to 0 U.N approval but to seize political opportunity I voted for the second gulf war without U.N... approval. Not risking the lives of our soliders to defend the country but to make me look more "middle of the road".
I consider terrorists such as Yasir Arafat to be statesman.
I once said that our army should be completely controlled by the U.N.
My Kerry amendment to cut intelligence funding by $6 billion dollars during the cold war was so liberal not even my buddy Ted Kennedy could vote for it.
I voted for a nuclear freeze during the cold war arms race (the race was a major part in the fall of the Soviet Union.)
I voted for a 50 cent tax raise per gallon of gasoline.
I support programs that keep more qualified workers from getting jobs
I have been the most anti-2nd amendment rights senator in U.S history
I said taxes should not be raised during a downturn but after the Bush cuts started to work I quickly pushed for a tax raise
Partial birth abortions good- death penalty for terrorists bad
I voted against the Laci Peterson law that protects pregnant women from violence (so much for my women's rights platform)
I have a lifetime rating of 25 out of 100 by citizens against government waste. (Edwards even worse than me with a 13)
I am against preventing frivolous lawsuits that raise the cost of healthcare.
I said Ronald Reagan was too tough on terrorists. (you know those guys aren't so bad)
I proposed an amendment to cut intelligence funding by $1.5 billion during the War on Terror.
I voted against using apache helicopters and stealth bombers.
I voted to cut $300 million form intelligence after the first world trade tower attack again after USS Cole attack and again after African embassy attacks.
I voted against prohibiting the burning of the American flag.
I voted against eliminating the marriage penalty, an extra tax on people just for being married.
I voted for the largest tax increase in the history of the United States.
I voted against the defend America act of 1996 that would effectively protect US soil from ballistic missile attacks.
I like riding in SUV's, private jets, limos..etc... but you shouldn't do that
I think we should get rid of the dept of agriculture
My campaign promises will cost you an extra $1.9 trillion dollars (but ill tell you it only cost $658 billion)
I voted against welfare work reform that helps people on welfare obtain a job
I said I was proud of the fact that john Edwards and I voted against the $87 billion to support our troops
I missed 2/3 of senate votes while campaigning (but i can still criticize the president for taking vacations even though I take 66% percent time off, right?)My actions have endangered the lives of U.S... soldiers in every war since vietnam.
I am the most liberal senator in the U.S senate (Edwards number 4)
I have flip-flopped on over 50 key issues (some more than once)
I said that the danger of Al Qaeda has been exagerated and Al Qaeda is not as bad as we think.
I have continualy supported communists governments.
I believe countries involved in the oil-for-food scandal should have a part in the rebuilding of a free Iraq
I take advantage of tax loopholes to prevent paying for the social programs I support. better your money than mine (Edwards does it too)
I consistently vote against technology upgrades for our military

I backed the People's Peace Treaty, written in Communist East Germany, which called for the removal of U.S. Forces PRIOR to the return of POW/MIAs.

North Vietnams top General, Gen. Giap, credits the VVAW with helping him win the war in his memoirs stating "if it weren't for organizations like Kerry's Vietnam Veterans Against the War, Hanoi would have surrendered to the U.S.

"POW's, including John McCain, report VVAW activities and My own statements were used against them during their torturous interrogations.

1992 in defense of Bill Clinton's Draft Dodging: "I am saddened that Vietnam has yet again been inserted into the campaign." (Yes it's sad when this happens isn't it John)

I testified, and met with Communist Vietnam delegates in Paris in 1971. Providing Aid and Comfort to an enemy engaged against U.S. forces is treason.

I was part of an anti-vietnam war group that actually voted on assassinating U.S congressman.I pushed for regular trade with Vietnam

I tried to erase the possibility that POW's were still alive in vietnam by shredding documents preventing leaks and declassifications of materials.

I went on speaking tours with Jane Fonda who gave funds and goods to North Vietnam directly aiding their cause and directly caused the tourture of U.S. POW's

Friday, July 23, 2004

This burns my ass!

A little girl trumps ideologyBy Diane Carman Denver Post Staff Writer
To protect her, the little girl at the heart of this controversy is called "E.L.M.C."
She was born in China and adopted in 1995 by Dr. Cheryl Ann Clark, who was living with Elsey Maxwell McLeod.
The women, who by law could not marry, held a commitment ceremony and bought a home. When they decided to adopt a child, they traveled to China together to meet her, and when they returned to Colorado, they shared the responsibility for her care.
E.L.M.C. calls Clark "Momma." She calls McLeod "Mommy." They are the only parents she's ever known. As the Colorado Court of Appeals judges explained in their unanimous ruling last week, "This case illustrates the evolving nature of parenthood."
It also illustrates the evolving nature of the law in this country, which began 228 years ago today with a grandiose declaration of equality - despite the fact that for the next 100 years, children, women and slaves had little more standing in an American court of law than your average plow horse.
But E.L.M.C. was not mere property. She was the center of the legal debate.
Her mothers, Clark and McLeod, had lived together for 11 years. When they split, it got ugly. Clark joined a Baptist church and renounced her homosexuality. She also sought to limit McLeod's contact with E.L.M.C.
But Denver District Judge John Coughlin ruled and the appeals court unanimously affirmed that E.L.M.C.'s well-being must come first.
"McLeod meets even the most stringent definition of a psychological parent," the appeals court ruled. Her gender, they said, "is not relevant."
Neither is her sexual orientation.
"The court said there is a compelling state interest here in protecting children and their relationships with psychological parents," said attorney Heather Hanneman, who wrote a brief in support of McLeod. "It's inherently emotionally harmful to allow the legal parent to disrupt that relationship."
She said it would apply in cases where a grandparent, a relative or a friend of the family reared a child for an extended period of time, only to have a legal parent suddenly insist that the relationship must end. And it clearly asserts the rights of psychological parents in same- sex relationships.
For gays and lesbians, "it's significant," Hanneman said.
Especially in light of what is happening this summer in Washington.
Congressional leaders are determined to bring the proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage to a vote even though support isn't there.
They are doing it to make a point - a religious statement - at the expense of people like E.L.M.C.
As Rep. Marilyn Musgrave of Colorado, sponsor of the amendment, told the congregation at Jerry Falwell's church in Virginia last year, "Many people think Christians should be quiet in the public square. ... But I don't agree with that."
Prohibiting gay marriage is an act of faith for her. She's on a mission.
So is the Rev. Fred Phelps, a Baptist minister from Kansas who openly preaches hatred of homosexuals.
All this relates to the second part of the case involving E.L.M.C., the part in which McLeod asked the court to order Clark not to expose the child to religious teachings that are "homophobic."
The definition was unclear, the appeals court said. It could mean Clark taking E.L.M.C. to listen to Musgrave preach in Falwell's church or to attend a demonstration with Phelps carrying a sign saying, "God hates fags."
The justices asked for a clarification. "Further proceedings consistent with this opinion" were ordered.
But here, too, the message is unambiguous: This is not about politics. It's not about religion. The interests of E.L.M.C. and others like her remain paramount.
Narrow interpretations of the family and who is qualified to love a child are gradually - blessedly - becoming things of the past.

What really gets me going is that in most states a FATHER can't get this kind of consideration from the court.
I have little else to say about this, except that it makes me very angry to see a court fighting for the rights of a NON-parent, when it won't fucking recognize the rights of a father in the raising of a child.

When they say they are not trying to make a political statement, you should always perk up your ears for the inevitable political message to follow. in this case I see the message as:
Gay parents have far more rights to shared custody than straight men. Straight men are icky and mean. Straight men cause wars and do bad people are great...blahblahblah.
Stepping off of the soapbox now.

A poem.

I see blood everywhere.
Take me from this scene, this torturous, pulsing
Have me any way you will, I will not argue.
Father used to touch me when it was dark, expressing
Unique desire for me.
Cliches unbound, I bared myelf to him.
Killing all sense of morality.
Yearning for more of the same.
Opening a floodgate of repression.
Under the stars of my youth.

The preceding poetry brought to you by my neice, check for the hidden message. This was written as an English assignment by the way. The teacher was a female.

I am coming out of the closet...Join me.

I am rapidly becoming sick of the phrase "coming out". Why is it that gay people (including all the other fucking deviants) feel the need to flaunt their sexual preference. In my opinion this is nothing more than sanctioned sexual harassment. I am proposing that my readers....all six or seven of you, along with my illustrious staff, (which includes my cat Corkscrew, and...well...myself) get the word out about my novel new idea.

Straight pride month. I propose that we come up with a month that would be appropriate, and get a permit to hold a parade during that month. That we send out E-mails, and fliers, and promote our Straight Pride. We of course need a symbol, and I am working on it. Since the "glbt" brigade has stolen the rainbow, we need something equally universal in it's appeal.

All I ask is that we come up with a month, and maybe a few special theme days, and then spread the word. Of course, we will be looked upon as some sort of bigoted, or "racist" bastards. (Even though GAY IS NOT A RACE) We must stand up in the face of such denouncement, and promote our belief that being straight is fun, and perfectly acceptable. We should definitely wear ribbons, and proudly explain their significance when asked.

If you are reading this and think "What a bigoted racist bastard!" you probably got the link to my site from somewhere other than my word of mouth, and should probably just leave. I will only offend you further the more you read my posts.

So please, all of my straight, and even my sympathetic gay readers, help me to come up with and promote "Straight Pride Month".

Because it only makes sense.

Continental: Complaints Led to Drop-'Doonesbury' Poll By Dave Astor Published: July 21, 2004 11:50 AM EST, updated at 1:20 PM
NEW YORK A poll that resulted in a vote to drop "Doonesbury" was defended by the head of a Sunday-comics consortium."It was not a political statement of any kind," Continental Features President Van Wilkerson told E&P. "I personally don't have an opinion about 'Doonesbury' one way or another."Wilkerson said he conducted the survey because Garry Trudeau's comic "created more controversy than other strips." In the poll e-mail he sent Continental's newspaper clients this spring, Wilkerson wrote: "(I)t is my feeling that a change in one of the features is required. I have fielded numerous complaints about 'Doonesbury' in the past and feel it is time to drop this feature and add another in its place. ... If the majority of the group favors a replacement, you will be expected to accept that change."Of the 38 papers that run the Continental-produced Sunday comics section, 21 wanted to drop "Doonesbury," 15 wanted to keep it, and two had no opinion or preference. "I wouldn't call the vote [to drop 'Doonesbury'] overwhelming, but it was a majority opinion," Wilkerson said.One of the 15 papers, The Anniston (Ala.) Star (Click for QuikCap), expressed public dismay with the vote yesterday -- saying the decision amounted to censorship. In an E&P interview after that article appeared, Star Executive Editor Troy Turner said: "Sure, 'Doonesbury' causes editors headaches from time to time, but there is a proven readership for it. Newspapers need to think of readers first, or they will continue to struggle."Turner added that he doesn't recall Continental doing polls about any of the other 22 comics in its package; "Doonesbury" was singled out. Wilkerson acknowledged that the survey was out of the norm.The Continental head said he doesn't know exactly when "Doonesbury" will leave the package; he's currently polling clients to see if they want to replace it with "Agnes," "Get Fuzzy," "Pickles," "Zits," or another comic.If Continental does pull "Doonesbury" from the package, "we will find a way to run it in the Sunday paper," said Star Editorial Page Editor Bob Davis. He noted that the Star already publishes the daily "Doonesbury" in an unusual locale: the back page of the "A" section.As previously reported, Star Publisher H. Brandt Ayers e-mailed Wilkerson to say he and his paper's editors "strongly object to an obviously political effort to silence a minority point of view. For years, my New Deal father bore the opposition views of Orphan Annie and Daddy Warbucks, and I believe he would have fought an effort to silence them a by a simple majority vote. This is wrong, offensive to First Amendment freedoms.""Doonesbury" -- which appears in more than 1,400 papers via Universal Press Syndicate -- has made a lot of news this year with strong criticism of President Bush and the Iraq war. In one sequence, Trudeau offered $10,000 to anyone who could prove Bush served in the Alabama National Guard. And, in an ongoing story line, the B.D. character lost a leg in Iraq and is dealing with the aftermath of that devastating injury.The 38 papers running the package from Salisbury, N.C.-based Continental are predominately located in the Southeast.

 After our local paper decided to stop running B.C. for it's "anti-islamic" views, I was pissed, not that I like the strip mind you, I happen to think it's stupid. What really bugged me was the fact that it was evil to supposedly make fun of Islam, but on the other side of the column, it was perfectly acceptable to bad-mouth our own country and it's leadership. A ridiculous double-standard if you ask me.

All I can say about this is..."Fucking sucks doesn't it?" I guess that when it comes down to it, it's percieved as fine and dandy to hate America, but anything that is slightly patriotic, or even suggests that Islam is a bad thing is instantly villified.

I have posted a few times on my feelings toward Islam ( note I do not make a distinction between so-called radicals, and any other Muslims) so I will not reiterate here. It actually warms my heart to see the tables turned on one of the Anti-RightWing idiots.

BTW, B.C. had an undercurrent of Christian values, which we all know is seen as a great threat to America by the looney left.


I hope this is satire.

What manner of crazy is this? A site dedicated to the condemnation of cruelty to vegetables....gotta love it.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Fucking kiddie crack!!!???

After my excitement yesterday in the ER, I went home and tried to take it easy. That was my plan today too, until I realized I had a fucking appointment for a med-check with my shrink.

I say med check, but it should really be read "what new experiment he wants to try on me". Today, I have been prscribed kiddie crack (or Ritalin if you wanna know). At first I thought he was just fucking with me, then I realized he wasn't. He thinks uppers may help stabilize my anger and inability to concentrate.

I sat in the car as my wife drove me to my folks house after the appointment when it occurred to me that I could make mucho bucks from Ritalin...not that I would mind you, but that I could. The shit sells for like five dollars a pill.

I seriously considered keeping this particular medication choice a secret, then decided I may as well share it with the world. I am now on the same medication as roughly ten percent of the kids in America. I always said I was twelve on the inside, now I have proof. I suppose it might even work, nothing else has so far.

On another note, my shrink says I should definately reapply for SS disability, seeing as how I have a plethora of doctors now who can back up my claim. His ulterior motive? I have run out of mental health benefits with my insurance for the year, and the fucker wants to make sure he gets his. (I also think he wants to make sure I don't just stop seeing him, but that's hardly entertaining now. Is it?)

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

I wish the world were made of nerf.

Well, tonight after me and my friend Anathematized watched a bootleg of "Stepford Wives" and ate some marginally edibly fajitas, I passed out in my bathroom. I woke up to the realization that I had again dislocated my shoulder, only this time, it wouldn't go back in all cooperative like.

So I go to the emergency room...and pass out again, this time tearing my tricep (at least that's what I think I did, no firm diagnosis yet). I woke up to every nurse from the ER staring down at me, and a couple of them, examining my arm/shoulder. I heard one ask "is it dislocated?" and the answer was, "I can feel the joint here."
When I look up at a bunch of medical professionals, and the majority look ill, I get a little worried. I was in quite a bit of pain at this point, and they wouldn't let me move. This sucked, because my dislocated shoulder joint was jutting out at a painful angle from my body.
Then the bed o' doom finally gets there, and Nurse Brad, and his furry buddy decide to try to pick up my 330 pound ass, unsuccessfully. They did however manage to forcibly put my shoulder back in it's socket. After that, they decide that maybe I could help them get myself into the bed.
I don't know if any of you have had a dislocated joint before, but I have done each knee once, and my right shoulder at least twenty times. This was the first time in years that it didn't just pop back in when I twisted it quickly. And let me tell you, forcing it in by trying to lift me under my arms was right up there with being shot on the pain scale.

Next, the "little kung fu bitches" in X-ray put me into several positions I cannot attain uninjured, and caused me to wince, and even swear a couple times. If the cute one hadn't been admiring my tattoo, I would've been more angry. ( I am a sucker for pretty lady complimenting me )

Now I get my choice of painkillers...literally, they asked me what I wanted, and went down a list of pretty powerful shit. But me being me, I chose a couple of vicodin. When that finally kicked in, the doc came back in, and said "Yep, nothings broken." and sent me on my way. I turned down a scrip for painkillers, as I am a recovering alcoholic, and the danger of having excessive drugs in the house is one I don't want to deal with right now.

On the upside, my wife, feeling sorry for me, took me to the drive thru at Uncle Nick's, the best gyros in existence, and got me dinner for tomorrow seeing as I probably won't be cooking for a few days at least.

BTW, typing is a bitch when it hurts to move your fingers.

If this is in anyway incoherent, or otherwise unreadable, fuck you I'm in pain.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Where was the memo dammit!

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
Sometimes, the shit I find on the 'net amazes even me. If my wife ever gets sick of me...I know I have a future in Guam.

Monday, July 19, 2004

Heavy Metal is getting good again.

I am not usually a fan of thrash metal, I used to be when I was younger, but that was before I figured out how to play the guitar. I discovered the simplicity of their music, and stopped appreciating it.
I have discovered with great surprise, that I like a band called Slipknot. I have known about them for years, having worked with teenagers...(which incidently led to my appreciating rap music). I just never gave them much thought.
On their newest CD "The Subliminal Verses" there is a song that absolutely blows me away. I get the old adrenaline rush and everything. "Duality", is one of the best songs I have heard in recent years. Well structured, technically challenging, yet sounding simple to the casual listener. Lyrically it is very interesting to analyze the deeper meanings of the lines:
"(I push my fingers into my) Eyes, 'cause it's the only thing that slowly stops, The Ache, but it's made of all the things I have to, Take, Jesus it never ends it works it's way inside."
Now I know that on the surface it seems kind of juvenile, and shallow. In context with the rest of the lyrics however, it tells a story of hurt, and betrayal. Then of the ultimaterealization that getting what you want doesn't always lead to what you dreamed.
Great song, skilled band, a new favorite.

Painful premonition

After a recent shopping trip, the wife and I discovered we could barely fit the bounty from the supermarket in our freezer. This being a rare problem in our house (we usually aren't exactly "stocked" in the freezer department) I decided to just jam shit in until it fit. At the time, I thought, "boy, I hope nothing falls out and smashes my foot, or toes."
This worked out great for about a week, until I had depleted the stores, and caused a great shifting in the interlocked frozen food habitat. Aparently, I had caused so much shifting, that things just weren't happy staying where they were put.
That leads us to today, I was innocently going into the freezer for a "superhero" popsicle, and a rock-hard two-pound package of ribs flew out, dropped five feet, and smashed my big toe.
I am very happy I have dense bones that don't break easy, or I would've been in a cast for sure. As it is, I think I may be off my feet for a few days.
On a positive note, my assailent will be barbequed and eaten tomorrow night.

Pro-Wrestling: Real or Fake?

I stated before that I trained to be professional wrestler. During the course of this training, I learned the ins and outs of taking "bumps" and learning the ropes.

A thing that sometimes annoys me, is when I hear people say that wrestling is "fake".

Yes, the outcomes are predetermined. Yes, you try to protect your fellow wrestlers while in a match. But, tell me. How do you fake being picked up in the air and dropped to the ground?
Some people believe that the ring is padded, that is a big misconception. The ring is plywood, covered in a quarter-inch of carpet padding. The padding is not to protect the wrestlers, but to protect the canvas that is stretched over it. The "ropes" consist of elevator cables, covered in tape, or rubber. The first time you throw all your body weight into those, it's kind of a shock. Imagine dropping your weight onto the top rail of a fence as an example, and you're close.

Wrestlers as a whole, are expected to build muscle mass to protect their bodies from minor injuries such as bruising from the ropes, and mat. A side-effect of this is the fact that most of these guys are quite strong. Contrary to popular belief, you do not "hold back" or pull your blows when you smack someone. If I was going to hit somebody with my forearm, I would do just that...hit them, as hard as I can, so the crowd doesn't lose their suspension of disbelief. Chopping is fun too, as an initiation into the ring, I was given a choice to receive a chop from thirty guys, or thirty chops, from the man who ran the organization. I poorly chose the thirty from one guy thing. I was so welted that I almost bled. Sounds fake huh?

As far as bleeding goes, they do not use ketchup, or blood packs, or anything else to simulate blood. The most common way to "juice" in a match (as bleeding is called) is to hide a small piece of razor blade in the tape on your wrists, and to inconspicuously cut yourself while on the ground. Another way, is to allow your opponent to knock his knuckles on your eyebrow until it splits, causing a great flow. The only other way I know of, is to actually get injured from a blow by a chair, fist or some other oblect.

Chairshots, now there is an often misunderstood manuever. When hitting someone with a chair, the object is to hit them with the flat portion of the seat, while not holding back the force of the blow. That shit hurts, I don't care who you are. What's worse, is when in the heat of a match, you and your opponent are slightly off on timing, and you get hit with the wrong part of a chair. That often leads to a trip to the emergency room.

I guess what I am saying is, next time you see wrestling on TV, and think "this is so fake." Remember that these guys are great athletes, that can make something predetermined look improvised, and savage, while still keeping from crippling the guy they are in the ring with.

So if you think that falling seven feet onto a plywood mat, and bouncing back to your feet is fake, I say, try it yourself sometime.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

Why Bush will be re-elected, an alternative take on things.

Something I have noticed of late, is the amazing industry that has sprung up around Bush-bashing. I was at a local bookstore today, and found no less than twenty books whose sole purpose was to bad mouth the President.
My theory is, these people want Bush to be reelected, or they are out of work. If we (heaven forbid) have a Kerry presidency, these same people will be obligated to kiss his ass with great gusto. Not exactly a money making endeavor, right? Of course not, but with four more years of Bush, these authors, and their colleagues (sp?) will have the opportunity to make more money by appealing to the unwashed masses, the liberal loonies, and the politically bored.
I truly believe money is the great motivator in all things political, whether you've got a D or R after your name. This is no big surprise I'm sure. The only difference I see is the method, and willingness to sell your country down the river on the left.
These authors tend to operate under the false pretense of trying to "save the country" or "exposing the greatest threat to national security ever". I am pretty sure that when the cash cow of president Bush dries up, they will be hurting for anything substantial to write about. Other than the tired old commentaries on public welfare, and socialism virtues.
So, when you go to the voting booth in November, remember that the long haired hippie next to you may just be voting for Bush. I know I will have a smile on the inside knowing the hypocrisy that is most assuredly taking place.
I will vote for Bush because of national security, and philosophical similarity. They will vote for Bush to further their fleecing of the ignorant, and paranoid.
Poetic justice is a sweet thing.

Friday, July 16, 2004

Eddie Murphey predicted this was next!

Now, think about this...seriously. He stuck his dick in, and it exploded. Either A: He needed coaching, or B: She has a snapper.

Doctors in Romania are treating a 28-year-old whose penis exploded while he was making love to his girlfriend.

Ilarie Coroiu was taken to hospital in the Transylvanian town of Cluj after his girlfriend, Magdalena, 18, “felt something strange” and noticed that the bed was covered in blood.

Dr Angela Domocos, head of the accident and emergency department at Cluj General Hospital, said: “It is very rare for this to happen. We call it an exploded penis because it happens when the blood cavities in the penis burst.

“I don’t know what this couple were playing at, but there must have been tremendous pressure inside the penis to make this happen.”

Mr. Coroiu is now recovering after an operation to stop the bleeding.

Monday, July 12, 2004

I tried to avoid politics today....

Well, I was watching the not-so-much-news-as-opinions on NBC waiting for wheel of fortune to come on, and I decided I had to stop watching, or I might explode.

A few things to think about:

Values are only important if they are consistent with a minority of citizens.

Ripping the unborn babies from their mothers to cure disease is good.

Ronald Reagan's real son Ron jr. is a liberal nutsack, ruining his father's good name. During the Reagan years in the Whitehouse, Ronnie jr. was a source of embarassment, and shame...only now do we see the true spite he has for his father.

If a white person chooses to denounce the practices of a degenerate set of minorities, they are racist. If it's a minority doing the same thing, they are a visionary.

In order to protect our country from further attacks from Islamofascists, we should try to reason with them some more. The only reason it didn't work before is that we stopped being reasonable when they attacked us. If we only stopped supporting the only democratic nation in the middle-east, noone would hate us. Well, except for Israel....and they have nukes.


I need to get the fuck out of town for a few days...I am going stir-crazy.

I wish I could go camping alone again.

I really need more affection in my day-to-day life.

I have just consumed more chilli than any one person should ever do in one day.

Well, I am about done with blogspot.

I am tired of things not working around here, so I am going to get my own domain in the next week or two. I am hoping to still name it as I have. We'll see if it's taken or not, if so, I have another possibilty. "Redchaser's Roost". Let me know what ya'll think of that if you don't mind.

Another year older.....

and deeper in debt.

Seriously though, I turned thirty today, and I don't feel any different. I'm still twelve on the inside, and ninety-eight in the joints, and about 25 on the outside.

Today I have done almost nothing, made a pot of chilli, played guitar, and played video games. So really, I guess it was just another day to me.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Something to ponder


There are two men, both extremely wealthy. One develops relatively cheap software and gives billions of dollars to charity. The other sponsors terrorism.

That being the case, why is it that the Clinton Administration spent more money chasing down Bill Gates over his eight years than Osama bin Laden?


It is a strange turn of events. Hillary gets $8 Million for her memoir.Bill is offered about $12 Million for his memoir.

This from two people who have spent 8 years being unable to recall anything about past events while under oath!


Something to ponder


There are two men, both extremely wealthy. One develops relatively cheap software and gives billions of dollars to charity. The other sponsors terrorism.

That being the case, why is it that the Clinton Administration spent more money chasing down Bill Gates over his eight years than Osama bin Laden?


It is a strange turn of events. Hillary gets $8 Million for her memoir.Bill is offered about $12 Million for his memoir.

This from two people who have spent 8 years being unable to recall anything about past events while under oath!


Friday, July 02, 2004

Why did the chicken....


It depends on who you ask.......

GeorgeBush's Answer: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Al Gore's Answer: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

Bill Gates' Answer: I have just released chicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of chicken.

Martha Stewart's Answer: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Dr. Sues' Answer: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway's Answer: To die. In the rain. Alone.

Martin Luther King Jr's Answer: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa's Answer: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Barbara Walters' Answer: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

Ralph Nader's Answer: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

Jerry Seinfield's Answer: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Pat Buchanan's Answer: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

Rush Limbaugh's Answer: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

Jerry Falwell's Answer: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

John Lennon's Answer: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Aristotle's Answer: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx's Answer: It was a historical inevitability.

Saddam Hussein's Answer: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Voltaire's Answer: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

Captain Kirk's Answer: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder's Answer: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Scully's Answer: It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

Bill Clinton's Answer: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

The Bible's Answer: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Albert Einstein's Answer: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Sigmund Freud's Answer: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying insecurity.

L.A.P.D.'s Answer: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Does this make me a bigotted nazi?

I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts!

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion. I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers.

The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television,and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different,weird, or tick me off.
When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70%of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the law of statistics.

I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. It would be "FIRED" immediately!

I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen you should have to speak English!.

I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the order"freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document and open to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television, and that doesn't stop you from watching them. I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you..

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid and smack his/her little ass when necessary and say "NO".

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And please stay home until that new lip ring heals, I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me french fries!

I am sick of "Political Correctness" and of all the suck ups that go along with it. I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa, so how can they be "African Americans"?
Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and no where else.

And if you don't like my point of view, tough!