Wednesday, July 21, 2004

I wish the world were made of nerf.

Well, tonight after me and my friend Anathematized watched a bootleg of "Stepford Wives" and ate some marginally edibly fajitas, I passed out in my bathroom. I woke up to the realization that I had again dislocated my shoulder, only this time, it wouldn't go back in all cooperative like.

So I go to the emergency room...and pass out again, this time tearing my tricep (at least that's what I think I did, no firm diagnosis yet). I woke up to every nurse from the ER staring down at me, and a couple of them, examining my arm/shoulder. I heard one ask "is it dislocated?" and the answer was, "I can feel the joint here."
When I look up at a bunch of medical professionals, and the majority look ill, I get a little worried. I was in quite a bit of pain at this point, and they wouldn't let me move. This sucked, because my dislocated shoulder joint was jutting out at a painful angle from my body.
Then the bed o' doom finally gets there, and Nurse Brad, and his furry buddy decide to try to pick up my 330 pound ass, unsuccessfully. They did however manage to forcibly put my shoulder back in it's socket. After that, they decide that maybe I could help them get myself into the bed.
I don't know if any of you have had a dislocated joint before, but I have done each knee once, and my right shoulder at least twenty times. This was the first time in years that it didn't just pop back in when I twisted it quickly. And let me tell you, forcing it in by trying to lift me under my arms was right up there with being shot on the pain scale.

Next, the "little kung fu bitches" in X-ray put me into several positions I cannot attain uninjured, and caused me to wince, and even swear a couple times. If the cute one hadn't been admiring my tattoo, I would've been more angry. ( I am a sucker for pretty lady complimenting me )

Now I get my choice of painkillers...literally, they asked me what I wanted, and went down a list of pretty powerful shit. But me being me, I chose a couple of vicodin. When that finally kicked in, the doc came back in, and said "Yep, nothings broken." and sent me on my way. I turned down a scrip for painkillers, as I am a recovering alcoholic, and the danger of having excessive drugs in the house is one I don't want to deal with right now.

On the upside, my wife, feeling sorry for me, took me to the drive thru at Uncle Nick's, the best gyros in existence, and got me dinner for tomorrow seeing as I probably won't be cooking for a few days at least.

BTW, typing is a bitch when it hurts to move your fingers.

If this is in anyway incoherent, or otherwise unreadable, fuck you I'm in pain.

11 Comments:

At 21/7/04 7:41 AM, Blogger Contagion said...

Dammit man! you're not supposed to do shit like that. I hope your okay, and I'm going to start looking at those bear suits for you to wear. If it can survive a grissley attack, it should be able to handle your ass falling down.

 
At 21/7/04 10:12 AM, Blogger Boudicca said...

Holy sh--! What a mess! I was with my sister when she dislocated her shoulder in the gym last summer and she went 4 shades of white and promptly started to pass out. (BTW, for some reason I got the blame for it. She was doing her stretch after her work out, SHE'S the one who set the weight on the machine, but somehow, it was my fault, according to my mother.)

Take care of yourself and kudos to you for turning down the script. Doctors give that crap out way too freely without regard to the long term effects.

 
At 21/7/04 10:42 AM, Blogger Anathematized1 said...

Did I leave my pop at your house?

Your DVD isn't working in my DVD player So I might have to see if I can watch it at your house sometime.

Oh..yeah...shoulder thing sucks, but it wouldn't have happened if you had TAKEN MY GODDAMNED ADVICE....If only it were that easy.

I might try to stop by after my job interview since I'm passing by there anyway. I'll call first and you can let me know if you need me to pick anything up for ya.

 
At 21/7/04 1:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear of your misfortune, I hope your healthy enough for Saturday. I applaud you for being able to say no to drugs, wish I could but then again, you are and always be...THE JOE!
Jay

 
At 21/7/04 2:32 PM, Blogger Graumagus said...

OoowwwwwccchHH! Damn dude, that sucks.
Hope you feel better soon.
At least if you pass out at a reenactmnent I think we have enough muscle around to move yer big arse.

 
At 21/7/04 5:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn dude, you keep this stuff up and you'll have to start wearing football pads all the time or something. Or get back into that "get really muscular so it won't hurt as much when I smack into stuff" thing you were talking about.
That really sucks man.

-S

 
At 21/7/04 5:57 PM, Blogger Anathematized1 said...

Maybe we should all chip in and get him a helmet for Christmas, complete with a pic of "Super Joe" on the side?

*Hums, "I'm on the shortbus to HELL" and immediately runs away.*

 
At 21/7/04 7:22 PM, Blogger Contagion said...

Grau, if he passes out at an event, there is enough muscle to pick him up (off of the fire) and lay him down (Drop him) onto a bed (log pile) and comfort him (Laugh and make up drinking stories about it).

Seriously though, I'm not worried about the first half of that happening and we have enough guys in our group and the surrounding mountain men, ducks, button pissers, and militia to be able to not on lift, but probably carry him to the medicine man, er hospital for fixin'. I just hope they damn well can find and fix the problem with the passing out so he can stop dealing with all the painful side effects.

 
At 22/7/04 2:51 AM, Blogger littlejoe said...

Gotta love my buds....fuckers.

As far as the bear suit, I suggested to Patti that I start researching how to build an "Iron Man" suit. You know, powered, able to lift a car, protects from impact, fire, alien death rays.

She says I need to get out more.

 
At 22/7/04 7:19 AM, Blogger Contagion said...

She is right, you do need to get out more. The pastyness of your skin is starting to match Grau's. hehehehe.

 
At 23/7/04 5:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What if you made a superball suit! You could pass out and bounce back up!
Yeah... I know... I'll shut up now.

-Nessa

 

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