Monday, August 09, 2004

Some things just tickle me....

Top Ten things A Man Would Never Say
10..... I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
9..... While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
8..... I think hairy butts are realy sexy.
7..... Her tits are just too big.
6..... Sometimes I just want to be held.
5..... That chick on Murder She Wrote gives me a woody.
4..... Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.
3..... We haven't been to the mall in ages. Let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
2....Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
1..... I think we're lost. We'd better pull over and ask for directions.

Now, I know this is a sexist post. But honestly, other than maybe number 6, and 7, and occassionally 3, this is true. 6 because sometimes, like when I'm bleeding profusely, I like it to be held. 7 because let's face it, sometimes gigantimundo titties can be scary. 3, well, yeah, I actually like to shop MORE than my wife, but I only want to hold her purse to investigate a claim by Graumagus that it holds an interdimensional portal. Read all about that here


At 9/8/04 6:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

First off, Barry Manilow *is* one cool motherfucker.
Copa Cabana, biatch!

And I've several times offered to get people a beer (or other beverage) while I was up.

And there *is* such a thing as tits that are too big. Although admittedly they have to be up aroudn that "weather balloon" size before they get there. And even then they're kind of interesting in that "freakish oddity" type sense - but I wouldn't want them around all the time.

And I've actually asked for directions a couple of times. But I can't be just "kind of lost" or "not sure where I'm at." It has to be a "I'm not even sure which state I'm in, or even which direction I'm going, and there's nothing on the road for miles, and I'm down to 1/4 tank of gas and I'm afraid of getting caught up in the woodspeople's satanic rituals if my car dies out here" type of situation.


At 9/8/04 7:08 PM, Blogger Anathematized1 said...

"You got such a purty mouth."

At 9/8/04 8:51 PM, Blogger Boudicca said...

LOL! That was very funny. And guess what, Little Joe? It wasn't in anyone's comments!

#7, I would think if they were too big, I would worry about being under them and suffocating if I were a man.

#4, when your wife has had too many unexpected pregnancies, but you really want to have sex... you would be amazed what you will say. Maybe 'love' isn't the word.. maybe just 'hell yeah'

#3, I hate shopping. My husband goes, I sit, with my purse, in an outside chair with all the men waiting for their wives. I've met some nice guys.

At 9/8/04 10:02 PM, Blogger Contagion said...

Hey, tits can be too big, then need to be proportionate to the girl, and I have offered to get beer/alcohol for others when I go to refil my own on several occasions.

As for the rest it never fucking happens. Never! At least not in my house.

At 9/8/04 11:14 PM, Blogger That 1 Guy said...

I will offer to get beer for others, but it's not an everyday thing.
Yeah, breastages can be a little too large at times.
While I never ask for directions, I will have someone verify that I'm going the right way. Even though I never give them anything to verify!

At 10/8/04 10:50 AM, Blogger Graumagus said...

I don't ask for directions, I buy a map and find the intersection I'm at. It's not being lost, it's orienteering!
And yes, titties can be waaaaay too big.


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