Monday, August 09, 2004

Pick your party, pick my nose.

Constitution In an anticipated move, the Constitution Party nominated Maryland attorney and anti-abortion activist Michael Peroutka for president at its national convention June 23-26 in Valley Forge, Pennsylvania. The Constitution Party supports a strict constitutional interpretation limiting the federal government's roles, fighting the "corruptive influence of political parties" and bolstering the Bible's influence in public life, particularly the U.S. legal system. Chuck Baldwin, a Baptist pastor and syndicatd talk radio host, is Peroutka's running mate.
Ok, I like the premise of this party. I would probably leave off the Biblical influence bit, just to garner more votes though.

Green The Green Party received national attention in 2000 when its presidential candidate, consumer advocate Ralph Nader, won 2.7 percent of the vote, infuriating some Democrats who believe Nader's candidacy took votes from Democrat Al Gore and helped Republican George W. Bush win the closely contested election. U.S. activists formed the party in 1984, basing it on the German Green Party. The "Greens" stress environmentalism, nonviolence, social justice and "grassroots organizing" as a counter-balance to the two major political parties. Nader, also the party's 1996 nominee, is running as an independent in 2004, but still sought the Green's endorsement, even picking prominent party member Peter Camejo as his running mate. But the Greens instead nominated Texas lawyer David Cobb, who has made growing the party a priority and said he may adjust his strategy to ensure President Bush does not win re-election.
Let's see, envirmentalism, nonviolence, and social justice...yeah I would vote for them around the same time I would vote for Kerry. i.e. NEVER!

Independence Until last year, the Independence Party was the only third party with a governor in its ranks -- Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura. (Maine Gov. Angus King, who also left office in January 2003, was an independent and did not formally belong to a party.) The party was formed in Minnesota in 1992 and changed names when it combined with the Minnesota Reform Party in 1996. It cut ties with the national Reform Party in 2000 and returned to its original name. The Independence Party is now a state-by-state organization, not a national one, and a Minnesota party official said the party is not likely to nominate a presidential ticket. The party, strongest in the Gopher State, aims to attract "centrist voters" with its calls for campaign reform, nonpartisanship and anti-corruption and anti-lobbying efforts.
Dude, they can't even organize nationally. Is this supposed to inspire voter confidence in their presidential nominee?

Natural Law Founded in 1992 to "bring the light of science into politics," the Natural Law Party advocates field-tested "solutions" -- such as mediation, organic farming and applying scientific laws -- in education, health, crime, trade, international affairs, environmental and other matters. In 2000, the party's presidential nominee was one of its founders, Iowa physicist John Hagelin, who also received support from a sizable segment of the Reform Party. The Natural Law Party will not nominate a presidential ticket this year, according to party officials.
If someone could show me how "scientific" law applies to crime, or trade, I may be persuaded to vote for this party in the future.

Libertarian The Libertarian Party favors minimizing the federal government's authority in favor of a free-market economy, free trade, nonintervention in international affairs and a dedication to "personal freedom." In 1996 and 2000, investment adviser Harry Browne was the party's presidential nominee. At its late May convention in Atlanta, Georgia, Texas constitutional scholar and computer expert Michael Badnarik came from behind to defeat movie producer Aaron Russo and radio talk show host Gary Nolan to win the Libertarian Party's presidential nomination. Richard Campagna, an attorney in Iowa City, Iowa, took the party's vice presidential nod.
The libertarian party is now a bastion of hope for pot smoking morons who want to change drug laws. By the way, apparently non-intervention in international affairs also means not returning fire when you are attacked, and turning a blind eye to immigration and drug smuggling.

Reform Many of the Reform Party's top issues -- opposing NAFTA and similar trade agreements, shedding the growing national debt and instituting political reform -- reflect the views of its founder, businessman and 1992 and 1996 presidential candidate Ross Perot. This year the party has endorsed independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader, and plans to formally nominate him at its national convention July 22-25 in Columbus, Ohio, according to party officials.
I like what this party stands for. ACTUAL conservativism. It will never boast of a presidential win, because business is EEEEvil. Anyone who makes money is EEEEvil, and paying your salary is EEvi...err, wait a minute.

Socialist While once a prominent national political force, the Socialist Party USA now focuses primarily on local elections and key issues, seeking the presidency on a "case-by-case" basis. The party platform, which it calls "both coherent and radical," faults capitalism for harming the environment, fostering economic inequality (particularly for minorities and women) and helping corrupt the government, and urges major institutional reform. Walt Brown -- a Navy veteran, lawyer and former Oregon state senator -- is running as the party's 2004 presidential nominee with Vermont teacher Mary Alice Herbert as his running mate.
The reason this party doesn't normally seek presidential election, is to keep the lights off of their insidious campaign of subversion. By only attacking local government on "key issues" they can keep their horse-shit politics under the radar.

Villainous Bastards of America Here's a few of the VBA party's platform issues:
Dissolve the UN (in acid)
Devastate the middle east with a series of earthquakes and tornados
Collect a economically crushing tribute from each citizen (after President Ming cuts out all spending on health care, welfare, public housing etc. this will result in a 20% savings for taxpayers)
Make the world tremble at my every whim
Slow, painful, and entertaining public executions for criminals
Making environmentalists polish Klytus' face with poisonous solvents
Government subsidized head shavings, goatee grooming, and eyebrow shaping

Hmm, what can you say about this party but...HELL YEAH! I get to keep more of my money than I do now, criminals are dealt with expediantly, and the world will *cough* be made an offer they can't refuse *cough* to join with us or die. Groovy.


At 13/8/04 7:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

scientific wackos in la la land California say they believe aliens are sending light signals to earth! Yeah right, and I'm getting dirty phone calls from Christina Aguillera! Aliens, please! And people believe this funny paper crap! Here I say the commies have infiltrated our school system and is brain washing kids to be socialists and I'm called a nut case and these sumbitches think little green men is hovering in the clouds sending light signals and they is considered geniuses! I think commie infiltration of public schools is way more believable than a ship full of green guys telling us hello through giant light beams! I hate to tell ya but we gotta better chance of Lucille Ball rising from the dead than we do communicating with a little green mars munchkins! People are flat out wackadoodles. Until somebody goes hunting and brings back a little E.T. head this whole martian garbage is null and void. They say "But Larry, they see a lot of unexplained things in the sky." And I say big deal, lots of folks take acid! Ya think I'm gonna run and hide every time my buddy claims he's got a face full of spiders! I have know idea what that last sentence meant but still this martian thing don't make sense! All them martians do anyway is pick folks up and butt diddle em! I hope one of them martian ships lands in San Francisco so they could get back a little of there own medicine! Them San Francisco folks is some butt fetishes sum-bitches! Enough of the the little green mars munchkins. Like a martian said landing in Key west, "Lets get the hell outa here!"

At 14/8/04 1:08 AM, Blogger littlejoe said...

Thank you Larry the Cable Guy.

At 15/9/05 6:22 AM, Blogger natalie said...

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