I wonder if my hoping to get healthy again is like trying to surf in Nebraska. It sounds like it may be possible, but the logistics are staggering.

Some days are easier than others, some days I just don't get out of bed. I try to not wallow in my own shit too much, but sometimes it's comforting to know the stench you're stuck in. I am familiar with, and used to having an inexplicable illness, five out of five doctors agree that they don't agree. I wish I could be flippant, and just blow this shit off, but life has dealt me a fuck you card.

I don't know if I ever told anyone, but right before I got sick, I was told that I would be put in charge of one of the units at work. This was a big deal for the uneducated thug that is me. I would have been the top unit tech. (think hands on counselor/baby sitter/teacher) I would have been making decisions that efffected HOW we treated our patients. I would have been setting up curriculums, and study guides.

I would have been happy.