You know you're in trouble as an author when...

Your first attempt at writing anything substantial is a novel.

Said first novel is going to be three parts, and part one is over three-hundred pages. Keep in mind, part one was just an introduction to my world, the main protagonist, his peripheral characters, the main antagonists, their peripheral characters, and as healing of sorts, for myself after having given up alcohol. Part two actually has STUFF to do, and I am long-winded, but not in that J.R.R Tolkein way, more in a Robert Jordan meets Clive Barker way. Meaning I like to graphically decribe everything bad that happens, while lightly seasoning that with brightness and hope.

You take a year long hiatus from writing your novel. I am not a diligent writer, and being sick just made me not care enough to write anything. A double whammy indeed.

Your ideas come in spurts at such times as.....
In the middle of the grocery store.
While walking the dog.
During "intimate time".
During "intimate alone time".
Any other time I don't have a free hand or a pen and paper handy.

You find yourself quoting pop culture figures. And I don't mean good pop culture figures either.

Somebody has an idea very similar to yours, and has a movie made about it before you are done with fifty pages. (It actually turned out that the movie in question was NOTHING like my book, thank god. The premice however sounded similar in the previews.....WHEW, close call.)

You get sidetracked by writing short stories that make no sense, or even worse, make total sense and are predictable.

The outline you wrote four years ago has only a bare minimum of influence on the book you are writing.

You think writing on the fly is a good thing.

And the worst thing that let's you know you're in trouble as an author is.....

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You type nearly ninety-five words a minute with five fingers.....total.