Monday, September 13, 2004

I haven't always been a good man. Part 1

I have been arrested in my life. Three times specifically. There are several times I could have been arrested along with these, and just lucked out.

At the prompting of my friend Graumagus at www.Frizzensparks.com I will tell the quite funny story of how I eneded up in jail for the second time in my life. The story of the first time I wound up in jail is not so funny, but it is a good example of why I should have known I am an alcoholic.

The Skinny:

I had moved to the state of Washington to live with my brother, and pursue a carreer in cooking (that never happened). I spent most of my time in our apartment, watching TV and playing the super-nintendo. I would occasionally, go to town and drink, or hang out and make fun of "greeners". "Greeners" are the people who attend Evergreen State University, or hippie-U as I call it. Well, one day while I lived there, I was asked to drive a friend of my brother's to Seatac airport. I got him there, and all was well. On the way home, I was listening to the local alternative radio station, and not paying attention, and got pulled over for doing 95 in a 55. The cop was pretty cool about it, and wrote me the ticket. I didn't have a WA liscense yet, but he said that was fine, if i got one, and went to court, they would drop the other $250 dollars of the fine, and I would only have the speeding ticket.
I thought that was cool, and I could do that.I went down the next day and took the driving test, and got a new liscense. Two weeks later, I moved back to Illinois, completely forgetting that I had a court date.
My brother sent me a letter a few months later, telling me that there was a bench warrant in WA for me. I called the court, and they said if I paid the fine, they would drop the warrant. So I sent them the $250, and all was good again.

About a month later, I am driving to my buddy Graumagus' house, and god do I have to pee, so I start speeding like a nascar driver. I am going at least 75 in a 45. Well, needless to say I get pulled over. the cop asks me what the hurry was, and I tell him I really have to pee. I hand over my liscense, and proof of insurance, and sit waiting. And waiting. And waiting some more.

The cop comes back to the car, and he has a backup car pulled up behind him now, he asks me to step out of my vehicle. I about lost the pee I had been holding, but got out, slowly. I was asked to turn around and put my hands on the hood of the car. the cop then asks me if I have any weapons on me. I turned around, and emptied my pockets.
I was carrying a small spring steel baton, a pocket knife that was BARELY legal, a keychain attachment that is used like brass knuckles, and some mace. ( I like to be prepared. Just in case) The guy asked me if I was planning on fighting, I told him no. I just like to be able to defend myself if something goes wrong. He looks me up and down, and asks me if I have problems with people trying to pick fights with me. (At this time in my life I am 6'5" and around 260 lbs.) I tell him that occassionally yeah I do. We have a chuckle.

He then explained to me that I did not have a valid liscense, and that he had to take me in to jail. It seems that, in the excitement of getting rid of the bench warrant against me, I forgot to pay the original speeding ticket. Oops. I plead with him to take my car to Grau's house, as it is now only ONE BLOCK away. He has his back-up guy drive my car there, and let's me go to the door to explain it to.
I knock on the door, and when he answers Grau says something like dude you could have come in. I show him my hand-cuffed hands, and realize they can't see the cop behind me when our friend Anathematized1 says loudly, "Oh don't worry, I have the keys to those."
My Response was,
"I don't think the nice officer behind me would like that very much." As I turned to the side to show them that I was indeed under arrest.

I explained to Grau that I was leaving the car there, and going to jail. They all laughed at me for speeding beause I had to pee.

Eventually Graumagus himself had to come bail me out of jail( ok, he didn't HAVE to, but he did), because NOONE in my family would come do it.

And that is the story of how I went to jail because IO had to pee.

Stay tuned for more "I haven't always been a good man." stories.

7 Comments:

At 13/9/04 6:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So did you ever get to go pee or did you have to hold it for another hour?

-Nessa

 
At 14/9/04 12:54 AM, Blogger littlejoe said...

I had to hold it through booking, about 2 1/2 hours.

 
At 14/9/04 11:30 AM, Blogger Boudicca said...

LOL! That was my first thought, "When did you get to pee?"

 
At 17/9/04 10:26 PM, Blogger Anathematized1 said...

I still have the keys for those.

 
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At 27/10/05 10:42 PM, Blogger Iravan said...

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