I just turned four...does this mean I can't enjoy naked women anymore?

Sober
There's a shadow just behind me, shrouding every step I take, making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. Waiting like a stalking butler who upon the finger rests. Murder now the path called must we just before the son has come. Jesus, won't you fucking whistle something but the past and done? Why can't we not be sober? I just want to start this over. Why can't we drink forever. I just want to start things over. I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile. I will only complicate you. Trust in me and fall as well. I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave, I will work to elevate you just enough to bring you down. Trust me. Mother Mary won't you whisper something but what's past and done. Trust me. I want what I want.


Another fine song by Tool that really hits home when I listen to it. Not only does it describe the way I used to be in a general way, it also came out during a fucked up time in my life.

Today, I have four years sober, and as is my custom, I am going to get a tattoo this weekend. I am not sure what I am getting yet, but you can bet it will have to do with rebirth, and/or the sun.

I don't know what to say about being clean for four years, I don't take a great deal of personal pride in it because I know that if I was the one calling the shots (so to speak) I would be drunk or dead. I am happy about it, I like not being controlled by a disease that I have seen destroy so much. Even while I was not drinking, drugging, or using people I fell victim to addiction. My marriage fell apart because of it ( and many other factors), but I can say in all honesty, that I am grateful to be an alcoholic today. I am grateful that experience has made me wiser, and a great deal stronger. Today, I can honestly say I like myself, and not only that, but that I have some clue as to who I am. I don't have to pretend to be something I am not just for the approval of others. I have hope now, I have aspirations, and above all...I have my faith. Without being an alcoholic, and without experiencing everything I have, I wouldn't have any of that. I can tell you now that I accept everything as it is, I may not like some things, but I can accept them, and move on.

I want to thank all of you who read this who have been there for me, and those of you, who unknowingly have saved my life.

One more thing before I go play some bass, and wrustle up some vittles...
I can't wait to see what this next year brings me!