Sunday, June 26, 2005

And the winner is.....

Contagion!

Thank you for your suggestion on tattoos, I got a tree of life tattoo yesterday. As soon as someone with a digital camera comes by, I will get a pic to upload.

On a serious note though, after I got finished getting my tat, I had this sick to my gut feeling. I was hurting emotionally, and when I got home there was an email from the source of my emotional pain. I figured out what was wrong, this is the first tat I have gotten without the prescence of my lovely ex-wife. I read the e-mail, nothing heavy, or anything, just asking me about a bill I have that someone keeps calling her about. I told her I would take care of it monday or tuesday....then I cried my eyes out for twenty minutes. I realized that I love her still, I don't want to be with her by any stretch of the imagination, that would be very unhealthy for me at this point, but I love her none-the-less. And knowing that she doesn't love me anymore kills a little piece of me everytime I realize it. I went so deeply into depression, that I felt like I did when I was suicidal, except I didn't want to hurt myself ( or anyone else). My heart hurts, yet I am at the same time happy. I am happy that I can feel emotions again. I can feel like anyone else, without blowing it into some life ending tragedy.

After my cry-baby fest, I drove (rode) to O'hare to pick up my baby sister flying in from Tacoma. I haven't seen her in ten years, and I have a TON of catching up to do. I just hope I don;t freak her out as she is somewhat introverted like her father, and I am quite the opposite.

7 Comments:

At 26/6/05 10:49 AM, Anonymous S said...

Sounds like an awesome tatt man - some of those tree of life designs can look really damned cool :)

 
At 26/6/05 11:06 AM, Blogger Graumagus said...

So, no problems with the band member guy who takes three days to do a tat I'm assuming?

 
At 26/6/05 1:47 PM, Blogger Barb said...

An inspired choice for your new tattoo, look forward to a pic. Emotions can be real painful - but it's better than being a zombie, I think. (Not that I have a singular clue how hard it's been).

 
At 26/6/05 9:53 PM, Blogger Graumagus said...

I disagree, Barb. Eating the flesh of the living always makes me feel better after a hard day...

Dammit, I really want to go see Land of the Dead :p

 
At 27/6/05 7:28 AM, Blogger Contagion said...

Wow, I'm glad you liked my suggestion. I can't wait to see the new Tat.

Grau, Land of the Dead rocks.. if you like zombie horror films, and I do.

 
At 27/6/05 8:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a breath of fresh air you are. You examine your truth and speak it. You are a true heart warrior. One who speaks from his heart. I honor your courage and wisdom.

 
At 27/6/05 9:46 PM, Anonymous Sissy said...

You? Extroverted? Nah! :-)

I can't wait to see your tat! You must get a cheapy digital camera!

Our brain can be our worst enemy sometimes! But you handle it well.

 

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