Saturday, August 13, 2005

littlejoe is happy, sad, and contemplative.

I was considering not posting this. Then I remembered that I don't care what anyone thinks anyway.

I went on a date today. That's right, a date. I have had a profile on one of the dating type websites out there for awhile, and thoroughly ignored every broad that wrote me an e-mail, or otherwise showed interest. Mostly because I didn't think I was ready for that sort of thing yet. I still don't know if I am, but I had fun today.

Thirty year old school art teacher, red and blond hair, blue eyes, curvalicious, and very very sweet. Only 5'3", so I sat alot. This is the first woman I have ever met that is entertained by the same things I am, she quotes the movies I quote, and knew the cartoon references that I knew. She even knows what trogdor is for gosh sake. I couldn't stop smiling for the entire date.

Then guilt, regret, and heartbreak came back. Why?? Because I haven't moved on from Patti yet. Most days I am over it, and there isn't a second thought. Today I was so happy all day, and then after the date ended, and I came home, I emotionally crashed. I am still pretty happy and excited. I am still eager for the next date. (God willing there is one of course)

More than anything else though, I am thinking, and praying, and the thoughts aren't sucky at all. I have had to pray for my ex-wife, because I was holding on to resentments that I didn't need. I have prayed for my father, who is dying. I have prayed for my family, and friends. I do this every day. However, when I pray for myself, I ask God to give me guidance, and to allow me the opportunity to do his will in my life, because when I was in charge things got really fucked up. I don't pray to feel happy, and I don't pray to win the lottery, I pray to do the next correct thing by him. (Or her, or it if you rather) The point here is, I think God is giving me a chance to have a little joy again, and my self-will is trying to destroy it before it can happen.

This has been more emotional vomit from littlejoe.


At 14/8/05 1:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

God never stopped giving you chances. You're just now opening your eyes & heart to see/feel them (-:

"Anger is like jello for the soul. Yeah, it may taste good, but you're just as empty after having eaten it." Your analogy at BDRP is great. Remind yourself when needed.

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At 14/8/05 8:10 PM, Blogger Graumagus said...

Happy, contemplative, sad, and beshit with spam...

At 14/8/05 9:45 PM, Blogger TNT said...

Yeah for you! Here's hoping the second date goes even better!

At 14/8/05 10:04 PM, Anonymous Bou said...

I've never seen a blogger blog get spam. Holy crap. And it was big too.

It takes time to grieve a relationship. I've heard divorced people and widowed people argue over which is worse. Can you believe it? I call BS on both of them... they both suck. In both cases it is a death of a relationship.

You will see I make mention in my blog frequently about 'my universe' or 'listening to my universe'. What I do is listen for guidance. If I listen and am aware... I can feel what I need to do next. I've never been wrong, LJ, when I listen.

Interesting that you went on a date and the first girl you go with, you have so much in common with. Sounds like she was put there for a reason. Whether anything comes of it is irrelevant. There is a reason for everything. Perhaps she was a tool to open your eyes as to what is next. Who knows. Just listen to your universe.

At 15/8/05 8:48 AM, Blogger Contagion said...

You have an opportunity here to be happy. You can make one of two choices. Both are tough and to be honest, I'm glad I am not the one that has to make it.

At 15/8/05 8:50 PM, Anonymous Harvey said...

Come for the emotional vomit, stay for the stock spam :-)

At 16/8/05 1:20 AM, Blogger Anathematized1 said...

Yeah, did a double-take from the blogger spam. That's a first.

Anyway, enjoy the connection, live for the moment, enjoy the happiness, and make me some meatballs damnit.

At 16/8/05 9:10 PM, Anonymous Sissy said...

Very very happy for you! Want to hear more!

You deserve the best!

At 18/8/05 3:03 PM, Anonymous Oddybobo said...

I agree with Bou, sounds like she was put here for a reason. Go with that and that God is maybe trying to tell you it is time to allow some happiness in your life.

At 22/8/05 1:48 PM, Anonymous vw bug said...

Great advice. Will continue to pray you get what you need out of life.

At 23/8/05 10:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a loser you are!!! hahahaha

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