Tuesday, July 12, 2005

My Dad.

I posted about my Father going into the hospital on July 3rd. Things are steadily getting worse, and nobody knows exactly what is wrong with him. I have my suspicions, but i will keep them to myself. Tomorrow, he will probably have a feeding tube implanted in his stomach, because he can't eat or drink without apirating it. They pumped "fluid" out of his lungs, and mostly it was food, and meds he had breathed into them.
When he went into the hospital this time, I told everyone I thought this was it. And I still do. I don't think he will be coming home this time. O love my Dad, but he suffers so much every day, that I don't know if we should take "heroic" measures to keep him alive when his heart inevitably stops. I just don't know. Is it selfish of me to want to keep him around? Am I thinking only of my own emotional pain, and loss? The only answer I have right now is to keep praying, and to hope he doesn't have to hurt anymore.

9 Comments:

At 12/7/05 5:40 PM, Blogger Contagion said...

I'm sorry about your father. I hope you're wrong and he recovers. However, what you are feeling is normal. No one wants to lose a loved one, even if they know that it will inevitably take away their pain. Don't view it as being selfish. View it as a normal human reaction to a sick loved one.

 
At 12/7/05 5:56 PM, Blogger KTreva said...

I too am sorry to hear about your Dad. It agree it is normal to feel the way you do. My thoughts will be with you and your family.

 
At 12/7/05 5:58 PM, Blogger Graumagus said...

It absolutely sucks. You want the hurting to stop, yet feel guilty for feeling that way. Oh yeah, I know how that goes man...

I'm heading over there in a couple minutes.

 
At 12/7/05 10:16 PM, Blogger Barb said...

I'm so sorry that your Dad is unwell, and understand the thoughts you're having. I didn't want to let go of my Dad, but when the time came - my sister and I knew it.
Take care - you aren't selfish, or you wouldn't be thinking about whether you are...

 
At 13/7/05 7:50 AM, Blogger That 1 Guy said...

It's normal... not really selfish. There is a point when it does become selfish, though. I hope you don't have to deal with that.

You and your father are in my thoughts, bro.

 
At 13/7/05 11:28 AM, Anonymous Wes said...

You're not selfish at all. He's your Dad, and if you didn't feel the way you do, you wouldn't be human. You and your family are in my prayers, and although I hope fervently that he'll recover, I'm convinced that when the time comes, you'll do what's right. Peace be with you, my friend. +

 
At 15/7/05 12:23 PM, Blogger TNT said...

I guess the best you can do in that situation is ask yourself 'What would my father's wishes be?' If you can't come up with an answer, ask yourself, 'If I were in his place, what would I want?'

My thoughts are with you...And, also, a belated and untimely "Happy Birthday"! I believe you said it was on Tuesday?

 
At 15/7/05 10:55 PM, Anonymous Bou said...

I think you'll know when the time comes, Joe. My husband knew when it was the time for his Mom. It sucked and still does.

It doesn't make you selfish to want him around... it means you love him.

 
At 19/7/05 2:54 PM, Blogger Quality Weenie said...

It's never selfish to want to keep a loved one around. Especially one that you are very close to.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

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