Getting kicked in the nuts.
Not that I actually expect anyone to still check this old corner of cyberspace, but I need to vent damn it.
I got a letter today from my disability insurance, letting me know that as of August 2005, I will no longer be recieving any disability. I knew something was fishy when they changed the disposition of my claim last year to "Mental Health". Apparently, mental health claims are only eligible for twenty-four months of coverage. After that, fuck 'em I guess?
Anyway, I don't know if I believe this is a mental disability or not, but the fact that my symptoms have changed leads me to believe that maybe it is. Honestly though, it's weird that I have been thinking lately of what I really want to do with myself, professionally speaking anyway.
I have to be careful with thinking too much however, as I am my own worst enemy. I could think something sounds great, only to find out that I hate it in application, or that I just plain suck at it. Another danger, is trying to take on more than I can handle at this point in my life. I mean, fuck, I am in the middle of a divorce, I haven't worked in two years, and I live in my parents basement. (Oh dear god the stereotype that I fit into.) That's alot of stuff to deal with, and I don't know what I could handle on top of it. As of right now, I am taking it slow, and praying for direction.
An option that has been stirring around in my head for a while now, is that I could finally just go get a damned degree in counseling, or psychology, and work as a counselor again. I have been told many times, from many different sources that doing so might be good for me. Hell, every professional head-shrinker I have seen in the last few years has said I should go to college and become a counselor. My biggest concern I suppose, is failure. I am not the smartest man on earth, and while I have good instincts, and a great deal of common sense when I choose to listen to it, I am not what I would call "book smart".
Put me into a room with a patient, and I can usually find some sort of answer with them to help with the problems they are having.
Put me in a classroom, and ask me how I did it, and I couldn't tell you.
I follow basically, all the principles of counseling naturally when in that situation, but I couldn't name them if asked. I have a talent for helping people get to crux of a problem, and finding solutions that are applicable in real life. I do not have any academic talent, ADHD, and bi-polar disorder are bitches for that. I am not saying that I don't think I could excel in this field, on the contrary, this is something I know I am good at. I just don't know if I am "college material". Anyway, if you read this, THANKS!
Joe
10 Comments:
I still check to see if you update.
I'm sure after thinking on it for a bit, you'll decide what you want to do.
Ever think of taking classes at the community college?
I believe now is a perfect time to go back to school. You have the maturity to understand your environment better and I believe you will succeed.
As for fear of failure, when has that ever stopped you from trying something. To fall down while enroute still moves you farther then standing still.
btw...I too have always checked here because I knew you would come back B-)
Jay
Take a deep breath and a grain of salt... why worry if you are 'college' material? All you have to do is pass. That's not necessarily the best way to say it, but if you are good at something it will come through even if you don't have the 'Straight As'. Keep praying, keep thinking. If you can help others, I believe you can help yourself. (ok, ok, I'm not the best person to be giving advice, but I hate to think you wouldn't do something because you weren't 'perfect' at it.) Particularly if those close to you said you are good at it. Whatever you do, you know I (and I'm sure others out here) will support you, laugh with you and give you a hard time. Best of luck!
I always check to see if you updated.
If I don't comment it's because of blogger. Get Contagion to get you haloscan.
My vote? School. Just do it. Don't look back. Just.do.it.
You might surprise yourself when you begin to take classes in something you really enjoy how fast you catch onto the "technical terms".
I agree with everyone else, you should go back to school.
Not only is it a good time to check out school, you're probably in a situation where you'd be able to get grants instead of loans, which would rock.
I say go for it - I mean hell, even if you *don't* get a degree, you can still gain a lot from it.
Hell, I never got a degree but I'm still glad I went (I'm not glad I have the $18,000 bill, but I'm still glad I took all the classes).
Plus, if you study a field you've already got some experience in, it'd probably be easier to get through.
The weirdest thing about going back to school is probably just going to be the fact that most of your classmates are going to be like 12 years younger than you, but not a big deal.
Joe college.yea that sounds good...
You are college material.
Just by grace of your age, you've got a leg up on the majority of the just-out-of-high-school kids.
My advice if you decide to go:
Sit front row center so you can hear and see, show up every day, and ask dumb questions - teachers LOVE questions. The whole reason teachers go into teaching is so that they can answer questions and feel smart.
And if you ask them something that actually stumps them, you'll be the teacher's pet.
The way we learn is not by running from our fears but delving into them. Your journey is a gift, walk the paths that interests YOU.
By the way, people who seek couseling respect those who have been to the dark side and came back to share the light.
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